writefiction | A Wee Update Before Bed via iPod Touch

So I thought I'd update you on life a little bit.

I kind of had a break through in my therapy session today. My mom wants me to be happy but happy to her and happy to me are two different things. She thinks —or it seems she thinks— that to be happy I have to go out all the time and be a social butterfly and do it every night. That I should go out into the community and do something productive. But for me, transportation is an issue. I don't drive and I can't take public transportation for the reason that I get too anxious. So yeah I want to volunteer but there aren't a lot of options outside the home. So this January or whenever I volunteered to knit a sweater for a group called KNITS for KIDS. I've knitted one sweater so far and now there done for the season and won't start again till the fall. That was volunteering I could do at home. But then I wanted to volunteer my time as a foster parent for the SPCA because it's kitten season and have a matternity ward set up and really they don't have the room for all these animals. So people foster the animals until they're well enough to be put up for adoption. That is a volunteer job I could do from home. Also there's GASP which stands for Guardian Angels for Soldiers Pet. You take in and foster a soldier's pet while they're ndeployed and when they come back they get to come back to their loving animals that missed them. When u foster for the SPCA you don't pay anything unless you buy them extra things like toys or whatever. And when you do it for GASP you usually make a payment agreement of some sort with the soldier whose animal you're caring for. But mostly you care and love for their animals until they come back from their deployment. Those are some things I could do that wouldn't stress me out that I could do at home but mom says no. I can't volunteer from home yet she wants me to do something that would give me a purpose and I've always wanted to do something with animals. Even back in the day when I thought I was going to do the norm of graduating high school and going off to college. I wanted to work at a zoo or be a vet pro don't know just something to do with animals start some kind of rescue, which by the way I'd love to do that now. I'd love to make a rescue that specializes in rats, gerbils and ferrets. That would be so much fun!

But of course my mom isn't into any of that. She still wants me to go to college and get some kind of certificate or something that could get me a good job and miraculously I'll be cured because I'd have a purpose in life. I know what I want to do to be happy. I know pwhat I want to have a purpose in life. What my mom wants and what I want are two different things. I know what I want but it seems like my mom won't help because it's not her idea of how to get me happy. Happy for her and happy for me are two different things. I just wish she would be more supportive.

And now that I've gotten myself fully worked up, I want- no NEED to go talk to her but it's one o'clock in the morning and if I go try to talk to her she'll be pissed. And then by tomorrow it'll be too late. I'll have bottled it up in me and it'll stay there until I explode

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