shame on you, you fool me once

This is Bear.
He's an American Eskimo Dog.
Hence why he's named Bear, as in Polar Bear.
His birthday is October 15th, 2003.
That makes him 7 and a half years old.
Ma and I adopted him from the Cocheco Valley Humane Society the day before Easter.
Hence why he is Bear the Easter Pup.

So now our fur babies consist of Buddy the Birthday Kitty and Bear the Easter Pup. I think my life is complete now. Bear was 12 years in the making. As in, it took me 12 years to find a home where I was allowed to have a dog and those same 12 years to get my mom to say yes. Haha. But now I have a dog and I'm SO happy!!!!

As for Buddy, he's still a tad weary of the "big" Bear, but mostly he's fine with the new addition. Bear, on the other hand, ignores Buddy for the most part. Although he now sniffs Buddy if Buddy comes up and sniffs at his nose. It's cute. They get along well and there have been absolutely no fights which is great! :-D

One awesome thing about Bear is that he's house trained. He also knows sit, down and roll over. But I've started clicker training him so maybe he could become my service dog one day. But who knows if he'll get that far. I'd at least like him trained well enough that I don't have to drag him away from a squirrel. He sees one and he won't move. It's kind of funny because he's 27.5 pounds (a few lbs overweight) and he's hard to move when he spots one of those little critters!

Another thing: he doesn't smell! I mean, yeah, okay, he's got a distinct scent. But he doesn't have that gross dog smell. He actually reminds me of the way my aunt's dog used to smell. His eyes are brown like hers were and if you just look at his face, you almost see her in it. Maybe that's how he worked his way into my heart.

The story is, Ma and I found 3 dogs on the CVHS's website and pet finder listing that we liked. Their names were Lois Lane, Chubbs, and Jelly Bean. Well, when we got there they told us that Chubbs and Jelly Bean had been adopted. Sad for us but good for them. Then they told us that Lois Lane was in a foster home so she wasn't even at the shelter. But we talked to her foster dad and we found out her personality was too independent and therefore not what I was looking for. So we looked thru the kennels. The second to last kennel held Bear whose name was Seuss at the time.

Apparently he'd been found as a stray but the shelter was convinced he'd been someone's pet because he's got a summer cut and he's house-trained. But anyway! There he was sprawled on his bed with these soulful brown eyes, just watching. When I knelt down and talked to him, he came over and stuck his nose thru the chain link to sniff my finger. It was love at first sight really.

He wasn't what we'd gone there for, but he's what we left with and I couldn't be happier. Plus, Eskie's can live on average up to 15 years. So he's basically middle-aged for his breed, even tho vets consider dogs/cats seniors at age 7.

But I must go now. It's time for Bear's last pee break before bed. Oh! Also it's great that I have a quern size bed since he takes up one whole side with the way he sprawls! LOL

Goodnight Lovers!

amanda: jaclyn's twin sister
Buddy the Birthday Kitty
and the newest member, Bear the Easter Pup ♥

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So I had a call in check-up with the kidney doctor today. I called at about 9 but he was in with a patient so I had to wait for him to call me back.

Fast forward to about 10 minutes ago. He called back and asked how I was doing with my potassium-citrate pills and I told him not so good. I told him how I was able to swallow them a few times but Sunday of last week I just could not. I even had a really hard time getting it up or down after it got stuck. Also told him that we called the next day to let them know and we still hadn't received a prescription. He looked at my chart and told me someone had dropped the ball because there wasn't even a note in my chart stating I had even called! He might have been angry but you can never tell with him because he's so even keeled. But this mishap resulted in me not having meds for a week and a half, which obviously isn't good.

So he's calling me in a new prescription right now. Potassium-citrate comes in three forms. The huge-ass pills, liquid and crystal packs. He's giving me the crystal packs. They sound neat. They're like Crystal Light. You mix the packet in to a drink twice a day and drink. Easy peasy. Hopefully. lol.

So that's cool. But my mom was looking at the side affects of Yaz to see if it could cause depression because of the sudden change in my mood. Well, it doesn't but my mom found something interesting in the info she was reading. You aren't supposed to mix Yaz with the specific blood pressure pills I'm on. Ain't that just great? So I'm all wtf? Also Yaz can make your potassium go up and now I'm taking potassium so we've got to tqlk to my doctors about that. Too much potassium can cause heart attacks so... Yeah.

Anyway, that's my update. Now I must shower as Lene is coming today because she can't come Friday for whatever reason.

Hope your days are going well♥

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So here I am, waiting for my mom to come home. Last night she told me I had to have my shirt ironed but she wouldn't do it then. So I can't even get fully dressed until she comes home and irons it. Grr. Plus I don't even know when she's coming home. Sometimes she leaves work at 3:30 or 4:00 or even at 5:00 at the latest. This is kind of annoying because Keiti and Missy Miss have been there since noon and Missy just txt'd me to say they just saw Monte. *sigh*

At least tomorrow's show Keiti and I will be getting there bright and early. We'll be leaving around 10:00 or 11:00 so at the earliest we'll get there is around noon.

But anyway I'm so excited for tonight, tomorrow and Saturday! I can't believe I'm going to see Adam Fucking Lambert three times in one week! Hell, I can't believe he's even in my hometown right now!!! It's pretty amazing xD

I can't wait to tell you all about it! I hope I get some good pictures. But most of all I hope I get GlamDoll signed. That would be the best thing ever!!!!

See you later, lovers! ♥

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So I've had an interesting day.

I spent most the day with Jaci. We went to Borders and hung out for hours then went to Dos Amigos Burritos on Main Street for some quesedias. By the time we finished I had to go home bc I managed to get an appointment at the clinic at 5:00pm. I didn't get to see my PCP bc she's on vacation but I did see a nurse practitioner who was pretty cool :)

I've been having pain in my right foot and both my knees since the last couple weeks of April. It wasn't too bad at first and it was constant. But over the months it got worse and worse to the point that when i get up in the morning I can barely move I'm in so much pain. It especially hurts going down the stairs which apparently is normal for what's wrong with me.

The gist of it is, is bc I have really flat feet I've developed tendinitis in both knees and my right foot. So now I have to go to physical therapy, take lots of ibuprofen, ice the affected areas and get rid of all my shoes! Basically I was told the only shoes I can wear from now on are Crocs and Dansko, which happen to be $100 on sale. So I already have 2 pairs of fake Crocs which are actually really comfortable and my feet/knees do hurt less when I wear them. But then Ma bought me a pair of real Crocs tonight and one of those button things. It's a pink cowgirl hat which is pretty cool xD

On the one hand this sucks so bad bc I just got, like, 3 new pairs of flip-flops which are apparently the absolute worst thing you can wear. Plus I got these awesome Converse that have 2 tongues and the one you fold down has cute little skulls on it. And now I'll be going to see Adam Lambert in my Crocs which will suck bc one of the girls I'm taking to one of the shows thinks Crocs are hideous. I think I may need to prepare myself to be made fun of :/

On the other hand this kind of rocks. I finally know what's wrong with me and how to fix it. Plus I get to go on a shoe shopping spree which is one of my favorite things to do xD

So yeah. That's my life in a nut shell right now. There's probably more that I'm forgetting. But when I remember I'll let you know. For now I'm off to sleep.

Sweet dreams, lovers♥

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Hey everyone! Adam Lambert is once again trying to raise money thru donorschoose.org to help fund projects for schools around the county. He's trying to keep the arts alive in school. I've joined up with teamlambliff for a fic & art drive since I have no money of my own to give. The thing about this is we're allowed to write any fandom we want as long as we don't post out of the fandom in the community. So I ask ALL of my friends here on lj to give and I'll write you anything with Adam Lambert along with Hanfic or Moffic! You heard me! I'm going to write hanfic or moffic or even a crossover of them for this drive! My cheapest donation is only $1 for a minimum of 500 words. $5 will get you a minimum of 1000 words! $10 will get you a Play List exercise which is 5 drabbles/ficlets in the pairing of your choice (from the above listed fandoms) of varying lengths! You can always choose to donate more, but the minimum is a dollar.

If you're interested please, please, please go to my OFFER THREAD to make a donation and leave your pairing and prompt!

Thanks for looking!
amanda: jaclyn's twin sister

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[edit]: apparently the fic/art drive is f-locked so comment here with what you want and go HERE to make a donation. Thanks. [/edit]

Can't believe you're two already! Hope you have fun at the aquarium!

Love Always,
Aunty Panda Bear }}!{{

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I've had a couple of awful days. I feel sick as all hell, all I can do is sleep and my kidney is hurting again. My sister has her AIM status as some people shouldn't cut their hair so short because it makes them look like a man wicked baaaaaaad :) just sayin. I'd like to know how she knows I even cut my hair. She's probably trolling my myspace cuz that's not private and my facebook is.

Anyway. Last night Adam Lambert performed on American Idol. It wasn't my favorite performance of Whataya Want From Me but it still brought a tear to my eye. That song means more to me than anyone will ever understand. Not even Hanson has come out with a song that has touched me so deeply. But it really hurt when someone I thought was the kind of friend who wouldn't be so unkind as to say sorry, Amanda, but eeeeewwww! Adam Lambert! Gross! Its not that I care so much about her liking him or not. It's the fact that she thinks she "forewarned" me not to read her tweets about how she doesn't like him. I'm sorry but saying ew gross in an @reply to your friend is not a forewarning. It's a big fuck you in the face. So I kind of got made and replied with, you don't need to ruin it for me. This song is personal and means more to me than anything hanson has done in the last 13 years.

This morning I emailed her to apologize for freaking out on her. I also explained how much her words hurt me after such a personal song was performed. I even explained how much that song means to me. But she comes back with that she's not going to apologize because she didn't do anything wrong and he IS gross. She can have her own opinion and I'm just too sensitive.

Yeah, I'm sensitive, I can't help it. I'm allowed to have my own feelings and there's nothing wrong with them. It's what I do with them that matters. I said something not so nice and then apologized. Yet when I tell her that saying he was gross upset me, she says it AGAIN!!! WTF?! Srsly, she could just say that she doesn't like him and be done with it. Someone else said that they don't get the appeal and I didn't jump on her because of it because she was respectful of other peopel's feelings. And while this girl may not have known at first how upset I'd get, you would think she could hold back in her email from calling him gross again when she specifically knew this time that those words are upsetting to me.

Also has she even listened to any of his songs or read about how much he does for donorschoose.org? Maybe the only thing she bases her opinion on is his AMA performance, which is stupid because he's more than that. So much more. He's kind of fucking brilliant if you ask me. He's a legend in the making that I'm so grateful to be getting to witness. It's like Elvis all over again.

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So apparently the nurse that called me on Friday was an utter moron. I don't have a kidney infection. Nowhere on my chart does it talk of infection. The nurse my mom talked to today said that I have something that's like kidney stones, but it's not stones it's more like sand. She also said that the ultrasound showed the tube from my kidney to my bladder is all swollen from the irritation. She said to drink plenty of water and take Tylenol for the pain. Also putting heat on it helps. The specialist called today to say they have all my info but they don't have time to see me yet and they'll call me back when they've got a spot open. *eyeroll*

Also I think I'm drowning in depression. It sucks.

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So I'm going to the GI today for a Crohn's check up. I haven't had symptoms in a year which makes me insanely happy and will make this appointment easy. Except that I think I have kidney stones. Can you say ow? Srsly painful. I've been taking left over percocets from my oral surgery bc that's what the dr gave me when I had them before.

I'm going to tell my GI about the pain. I hope she'll make me get a cat scan while I'm there and not make me schedule an appointment with my PCP. I really hope she'll just diagnose me herself that way I can get on with trying to pass this thing. Or maybe it hurts so much bc it's too big to pass. I don't know. Or maybe it's not even kidney stones. Whatever it is tho, it needs to get gone and now.

If I take pain killers and a nap the pain goes away and stays away for quite some time. But if I start moving around it starts hurting again. So taking a shower was nice until I began hurting. My mom doesn't want me to take any percocets until after my appointment. I just hope it doesn't get to the point where I'm practically in tears sitting in the waiting room. That would suck.

My mom's getting out in about 15 minutes so I've gotta go. I'll let you know how things work out.

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I am in the bitchiest/pissiest mood ever. Today was going so well... at first. My mom and I went shopping for three and a half hours today. I bought $100 worth of stuff and only paid for $60 of it (this is if you include cigarettes) I had a $25 gift card to Borders that I got from Jeff, Mark and Doug and ended up with a purchase of $27. When we went to Target my mom ended up paying for the things I was going to buy. Then at Joanne Fabrics I bought $18 worth of yarn and a book of patterns that has a really cool messenger bag in it that I bought the yarn for. Then we came home and life was dandy.

Towards bedtime I asked my mom if we could go get guinea pigs after therapy tomorrow. She didn't even answer me, her way of saying no. When I asked her why she said, do we have to go thru this every time you ask? I told her I didn't get it because she said I could get them before and now she's saying no. One of the reasons is bc she thinks Buddy will eat them. So I proceeded to tell her that Aubrey's cats don't eat her piggies. Then she said she didn't want to get another pet until we move in case we move to a place that only allows one pet. That led me to saying that I think we'll never move bc she can't make up her friggin mind about anything concerning where to move and who our new relestate agent should be. I told her we'd probably live here for the rest of our lives. Then we didn't speak for a moment.

The next thing out of my mouth was that I wasn't going to see Sheila tomorrow and my mom was all like, why? Bc you can't get your way? so then I proceeded to tell her that there's no point in going anymore because I'm stuck and I'm never going to get any better. I told her I'm sick and tired of it all. With which she replied, Don't you think I'm sick and tired too? I told her that at least she gets to escape to work or go out with her friends. I do neither. The only socialization I get nowadays is over the freaking Internet. I'm fucking 25 years old and going nowhere. I'm never going to get any better and it fucking sucks like you wouldn't believe. So then I smoked a cigarette, put my pajamas on and crawled in bed to cry. My mom came in and rubbed my back for like an hour. She stayed up till one in the morning waiting for me to fall asleep. Finally she came in to ask me if I was safe. I told her yes just to get her to leave me alone. I mean, I'm not suicidal at this moment but I can't say that cutting doesn't sound appealing at this moment.

Then I check my friends page and find out I've been deleted by someone I thought was a friend. Someone that doesn't post much anymore. She was complaining about people being bitches and talking trash about her. I figured she didn't mean me because I've never said anything bad about her that I can recall. So I left a comment saying that I've never called her a goddamn stupid dykey bitch and I still get the boot thanks. And then she comes back with my posts are only tweets and kradam and she doesn't respond to either. Well excuse me fir not having anything in my life worth writing about. And hey, I've been making posts about my psychotic sister and her threatening my life and what-not. I also posted about my birthday last week. And I can't help it if my passion is writing so that's what I post. Sorry if I consider my uneventful life unworthy of writing about. If I did write about it, it'd go some thing like this:

Woke up. Took pills. Smoked. Ate breakfast. Watched TV. Smoked some more. Wrote some. Got bugged by a 12 yr old on facebook. Ate dinner. Took more pills. Went to bed.

I'm sure you all would love to see that on your friends page every single day. I mean I used to go to a lot of concerts so I had lots of stories to tell about that and pictures to post. I've been to two concerts since 2008. I used to go to local shows every single weekend. Sometimes twice a weekend. I don't do that anymore. My life literally consists of being home except for when I have appointments to go to.

So yeah. I'm in the bitchiest/pissiest mood ever. I wish I could wake up tomorrow and the last 13 years will all have been a nightmare. I'm just stuck where I am. I'm stuck in this apartment. I'm stuck taking pills. I'm stuck going to stupid appointments. Maybe my sister was right. Maybe I should do the world a favor and just kill myself. I know it'd make my mom's life a helluva lot easier and mine too since ya know there would be no life left. Whatever. I don't care. It's days like these that I wish I'd never been born.

FML

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