shame on you, you fool me once

How many weeks has it been? I don't really know bc it feels like years. Feels like I've been dealing with this heartache for years on end. My mom thinks it's stupid to be so torn up. She thinks if I'm getting so upset I shouldn't participate in sprinting or the Hanfic Genre Challenge. Seems like if I do that I should just quit writing altogether.

I feel like I've lost a best friend. Someone I've never even met. Someone I thought I could get mad at and then kiss & make up with. Someone whose opinion I respect but can disagree with. I'm heartbroken and it hurts. I cry every night after my mom goes to sleep. I'm crying right now.

It sucks bc I know there's something wrong with me and it's not just my usual depression and anxiety. It's something more. It's only the week before, during and after my period. I'm convinced it's PMDD. The feelings and mood swings I have are not normal and now it's come at the loss of a friend.

My mom doesn't get it. She doesn't realize that online friends are just as important as real life friends. Especially when they're people you talk to more than you do your real life friends. Lene gets it though. Lene said she was probably a great support to me and she was. Now I feel like I've lost a whole community of friends bc of this. It sucks and it hurts and it's difficult to deal with bc I don't feel like I can talk to my mom. She has no clue, she doesn't get it at all bc she's never made friends online before. She has plenty of friends in real life that she sees and talks to on a daily basis. I only talk to my online friends on a daily basis.

This hurts. And it sucks. Nuff said.

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