New Chapter: Whataya Want from Me

[writefiction]

Title/Chapter: Whataya Want from Me? (04/??)
Author: amanda: jaclyn’s twin sister
Fandom: American Idol Season 8
Pairing: Adam Lambert / OFC [Temperance aka Tempe]
Rating: PG-13
P.O.V.: First Person, OFC: Temperance
Previous Chapters
Warning: This chapter deals with a character having a flashback of a traumatic event. May be triggering!!!!
Summary: There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s me, I’m a freak. But thanks for loving me, ‘cause you’re doing it perfectly. Oh there once was a time when I’d let you slip away. Oh I wouldn’t even try, but I think you could save my life.

 

 

CHAPTER FOUR

The next morning my alarm goes off bright and early. Adam groans and sticks his head under a pillow. “Turn it off,” comes his muffled voice. I reach over to the bedside table and pick up my iPhone, touching the snooze button and roll over to go back to sleep.

Five minutes later the alarm goes off again making Adam groan again. I reach for the phone and once again hit the snooze. “Next time it goes off we have to get up,” I warn my best friend. His response is a loud groan from under his pillow. I give his back a pat and snuggle in to his side, drifting in to a light doze.

Another five minutes has passed when my alarm goes off again. I don’t turn it off right away, choosing instead to sit up and rub the sleep from my eyes first. I yawn as I silence the annoying sound and toss the phone back on to the table. I look over at Adam, he’s still buried under his blanket and pillow.

I reach out to rub gentle circles in to Adam’s back, between his shoulder blades. “Wakey, wakey,” I say quietly. “It’s time to rise and shine.” I pull the pillow off his head and toss it over the side of the bed.

Adam groans. “Don’t wanna,” he pouts, the look on his face reminiscent of a four year old.

I stroke the bridge of his nose lightly with my index finger. “Aw, come on, Addie, today’s going to be fun!”

“Nooooo!” Adam whines. “It’s just going to be hard work!”

I stifle a giggle because it’s true, rehearsing for tour is hard work. “It’ll only be a few more weeks,” I tell him. “Then we get to have fun on tour!” Adam pouts at me. “C’mon, babe, up and at ‘em!” I yank the blankets off of him.

“Hey!” he yelps, sitting up. I grin at him. He returns the grin with a mischievous look in those baby blues of his. “Oh, you asked for it,” he says. Then he tackles me to the bed, his fingers attacking me with tickles.

But I’m not in a hotel in LA with Adam anymore. I’m back in my old apartment and it’s not Adam’s fingers tickling me. It’s his fingers touching me. I struggle against him, screaming until my lungs burn.

“No! Stop! Please!” I claw and scratch at the man above me, fighting for my life. There’s so much pain and the distinct smell of blood.

In the distance I can hear Adam’s voice calling my name, but he seems so far away. He doesn’t even seem real, like a dream. I’m being attacked and I’m having audio-hallucinations of Adam Lambert.

As I kick and punch and scream I continue to hear Adam’s voice. “Kris! I don’t know what’s wrong! She just started freaking out! Come quick!” In the next moment I can hear Kris’ voice.

“Oh god,” he murmurs. “Adam, get a bucket of ice. Now!” His voice is so urgent and I don’t understand why I’m hearing their voices during this horrible time. Maybe it’s my brain’s way of trying to soothe me, letting me hear voices that are comforting to me.

But then it’s cold at my neck, the inside of my wrists, and my palms. He starts to fade from my vision, the apartment starts to fade and Kris’ voice comes closer, becomes clearer.

“It’s okay, Temperance,” he says in a loving tone. “It’s me, Kris and Adam. We’re here and we love you. You’re safe. It’s June 2009. It’s okay, honey, he’s gone. He’s not here. You’re safe.”

I gasp and sit straight up in bed, blinking back blurry vision. There’s Adam standing at the foot of the bed, white as a sheet with panic. Kris is next to me on the bed with that bucket of ice. There’s ice melting on different parts of my body.

Kris reaches out and strokes my hair. “You’re okay now,” he says gently. “You’re safe.” Hearing those words and seeing the certainty in his soft brown eyes makes me collapse against his chest, sobbing.

I feel Adam climb up on the bed next to us. He puts his hand on my shoulder making me flinch and cling harder to Kris, trying to find safety in his embrace. “Adam, could you just… Go to my room and get ready for the day? Give us some time?” I can only guess that Adam makes a non-verbal response as I feel him leave the bed and then hear him gathering his things together before leaving the room.

I cry in to Kris’ t-shirt for a few more minutes as he hums softly and whispers soothingly to me. After my last sob, I sigh. “Thank you,” I whisper.

“Are you okay now?” Kris asks.

I nod, pulling back a little and wiping at my eyes. “I think so.”

Kris reaches out and tucks my hair behind my ear. “What happened?” he asks gently.

I look down feeling ashamed. “You saw,” I tell him. “I freaked out.” I shrug.

“I’m not talking about just now,” Kris says. “I want to know what happened when you left Idol.”

I look at the Southern gentleman, my lower lip trembling. There’s something about the look in his eye that suddenly has me spilling the whole story. I’m shocked at myself, but I can’t stop. The further in to the story I get, the easier it comes out of me. Every time I start to fade in to another flashback, Kris grabs a few ice cubes and places them in my hands. After a while, the cold begins to hurt my flesh, but I keep squeezing the frozen ice until I get the whole story out.

When I’m done, I wipe my hands on my yoga pants and look helplessly at Kris. “Adam tackled me to give me one of his famous tickle tortures, but this time…” I shake my head.

“It really was torture,” Kris finishes for me.

I nod. “Yeah.”

Kris hugs me close. “You really freaked Adam out, you need to tell him what happened.”

I shake my head. “No. No way. It’s too hard.”

“You did a pretty good job telling me,” Kris replies.

“That’s completely different,” I say quietly.

“How so?” Kris asks.

I look at him, biting my lip. Can I trust him? I just trusted him with the most traumatizing moment I’ve ever experienced, why wouldn’t I be able to trust him with this?

I take a deep breath. “Because… You’re Kris Allen, my best friend. And Adam is… Adam is Adam fucking Lambert.”

“Also your best friend,” Kris says.

“Adam is not just my best friend, Kris. He’s, he’s so much more.” I hang my head.

“Oh…” If I was looking, I’m sure I would have seen a light bulb go off over my friend’s head. “How long have you felt like that?” he asks.

I sniff and wipe a lone tear off my face. “Since day one. The day I saw him across the lobby at the audition.”

“Oh, Sweetie,” Kris murmurs. We sit in silence for a moment. Then Kris speaks up. “Have you seen anyone about this?”

“What do you mean? Like a shrink?” I ask, chewing on my lower lip. Kris nods. I shake my head.

“You need to,” Kris says. “You need to find a psychologist that specializes in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder so you can go back to leading a normal life and not be in so much fear. They can help you overcome your flashbacks.”

“How do you know all this?” I ask him.

Kris looks me in the eye. “I’m married,” he answers simply.

“And what does that have to do with anything?” I ask confused.

“I wouldn’t be if it weren’t for the help of therapy,” he explains. “Once in a blue moon I’ll have the odd flashback, usually when I’m stressed to no end. But I know how to take control when they’re coming on. I haven’t had a full blown flashback like you had in over three years.” He shrugs. “I was only able to open up and trust Katy again by going to therapy every week. So trust me when I give you this advice.”

“I guess that’s how you knew how to bring me out of it, huh?” I reply.

Kris nods. “Cold is a very good way of keeping you in the present. Never hot though. Always cold.”

“I just… I don’t feel up to telling Adam just yet. I mean, I don’t want to keep anything from him, but it’s too new, too fresh in my brain. You saw how I had to keep getting more ice when I told it to you,” I tell him.

“If you’re not comfortable telling him yet, you can always explain what happened this morning. That his playful attack triggered flashback from a harmful one. He’ll understand. He’ll want to help you.”

“Will you help me tell him?” I ask. “I mean, you can explain to him how to help me stay out of the flashbacks and how to bring me back if I go in to one.”

Kris nods. “Of course I’ll help you. Adam and I will help you through anything.”

“Thanks,” I murmur.

& & &

Stay Tuned for Chapter Five!