New "Breaking Free" Chapter!!!!!
Feb. 18th, 2010 01:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
writefictionTitle/Chapter: Breaking Free (37/?)
Author: amanda: jaclyn's twin sister
Pairing: Zaylor Hanson
Rating: NC-17 over-all
Word Count: 2,345
Previous Chapters
Notes: AU-ish. No Natalie, Ezra, Ellie etc. And they still live in Tulsa. And the story starts in May 2003.
Other Notes: This was supposed to be an epilogue, but damnit, it changed itself into a new chapter!
Summary: Breaking Free is a tale of two brothers who fall in love and the struggles to make it work. Can they make it last a lifetime? Or will the relationship crash and burn?
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
June 12th, 2006
Zac’s POV
I wait anxiously at the alter for the bride. As I wait, I stare at Taylor in the front pew with a beautiful blond baby girl in his lap. Taylor whispers to her, pointing at me. The curly-haired ten month old makes grabby hands at me with a little squeal as I wave to her. But then it’s time to get serious as the Bridal March begins to play.
Everyone stands and looks to the back of the church. Once the intro of the song finishes, Andy appears at the end of the long aisle. Everyone whispers their ooh’s and aw’s at the beautiful bride, snapping pictures. I can feel the smile on my face get bigger and bigger with every step closer she takes. She throws me a grin, her eyes watering, as she moves to the alter to stand beside Aaron.
It seems as though the ceremony goes by in a blur. But at the same time, it feels as if I’ve been standing here for hours. Then the reverend pronounces the couple husband and wife and Andy gets a sweet kiss from Aaron.
Once outside the church in the beautiful summer sunshine, I hug my best friend tightly.
“Congratulations, Banana Face,” I whisper, kissing her cheek.
“Thank you, Monster,” she replies. She grins at me as we pull apart. Then I turn to Aaron. We look at each other for a moment before we decide to hug.
“You’re a lucky man, Aaron. Don’t screw it up,” I tell him.
Aaron grins. “I won’t.”
Taylor joins us then, baby on his hip.
“Dada!” the little girl exclaims.
“Baby!” I reply and lean over to kiss her chubby little cheek. Then her green eyes go wide when she spies Andy as if she’s noticing her for the first time.
“Aun’y!” she squeals, reaching for the newlywed. Andy laughs, taking the little girl into her arms.
“Hey, pretty baby. How you doin?” She kisses the baby, cuddling her close. The ten month old cuddles back, making it obvious how much they love each other.
The sight of my best friend and my baby together makes my heart ache a little. When they’re side by side like this it’s hard to not see the similarities. The green eyes, the thick blond curls, the cute button noses and the curve of their lips when they smile. I’ve seen baby pictures of Andy and lets just say Jenna is the spitting image. I hope she and Aaron have kids and possibly relieve some of the guilt I feel at making Andy give up her first child.
I snap out of my daze when I feel a tug on my sleeve.
“Hmm?” I look at Taylor and he pulls me a few steps away as the newlyweds talk to a few people that have come over to us.
“You’re doing it again,” he whispers.
“Doing what?” I ask.
My husband rolls his eyes. “That thing where you pick out all their similarities and then beat yourself up because you feel that Andy should be the mom and not the god-mother.”
“Well, she should be,” I say quietly, looking down at my shiny shoes and shoving my hands in my pockets.
Taylor makes a small frustrated noise in his throat. “I’m sick of you doing this, Zac,” he says. “Jenna is our daughter. Andy agreed to give us a child. She knew going in to this she’d have no parental rights. God, Zac! It’s not like we stole her baby from her!”
“We might as well have!” I exclaim. “And you… You want to do it again! Sure, Tay, lets rip another baby from her uterus!”
Taylor’s eyes harden. “Fuck you,” he spits. Then he storms away.
I sigh and rub my face.
“You okay, Sweetie?” Andy asks walking over to me with Jenna still on her hip.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I tell her, then smile. “See what you get to look forward to?”
The corners of Andy’s mouth turn downwards. “Zac, you have to stop doing this,” she says. “I am just fine. I like the relationship I have with my god-daughter. I love her. And I love you and Taylor. That’s why I’m telling you to stop seeing this as you taking from me and see it for what it is: Me giving you the greatest gift a girl could give her best friend. Okay?”
I nod. “Yeah, okay. But… it’s just hard sometimes. You two look so much alike.” I touch Jenna’s cheek and she smiles at me. “You guys are mother and daughter and it just hurts sometimes to know I’ve taken her from you.”
“Look, I am not now nor have ever been her mother,” Andy replies. “I was only the surrogate and egg donor and now I’m the god-mother. Now you, mister, need to go find Taylor and kiss and makeup or else he’s going to divorce you.” I nod sadly knowing that she’s telling the truth. If I don’t get over this guilt, Taylor will take Jenna and run. So I simply turn around to head in the direction my husband had gone.
I find Taylor hiding around one of the corners of the church smoking a cigarette. I shove my hands in my pockets as I slowly move towards the blond singer. “You’ve been smoking a lot more recently,” I state.
Taylor blows smoke out of the corner of his mouth and says, “Yeah, well, you’ve been stressing me out a lot more recently.” I chew on my lower lip and lean my shoulder against the brick wall.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“And?” Taylor asks.
I sigh. “And what? I don’t know what else you want me to say.”
Taylor tosses his smoke on the ground and stomps it out angrily with his boot. “I want you to want us to be Jenna’s parents. I don’t want you to want you and Andy to be her parents. Andy is not on the birth certificate. It says Zachary Walker and Jordan Taylor Hanson. You need to figure your feelings out and quick before I have to do something drastic.”
“Like what?” I ask quietly, fearing his answer.
Taylor looks out in to the distance and sweeps his hair back from his face. “If you can’t get yourself together and stop making me feel like the worst human being possible, I will leave. And I’ll take Jenna with me.” The older man looks at me then. “I don’t want to, Zac, but you’re forcing me to make a decision here. Please force me to make a different choice. Please, Zac, just…” He shakes his head, tears in his eyes. He turns to me and takes my hands from my pockets, holding on to them tightly. “Please don’t make me leave you. You’re everything to me and I love you so much. But I can’t take this anymore, okay?”
I nod, looking down at our clasped hands, unable to say anything. There’s a large lump filling my throat and my eyes are stinging with unshed tears. I hate that I’m doing this to my family. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper. I lift my gaze to my husband’s sad blue eyes. “I never wanted to hurt you,” I tell him. “I never wanted to make you feel like this, like I’m forcing you to leave. You’re not the worst human being possible. I promise you that. It’s me, I’m horrible. I mean really, who does this to their husband? Who makes their husband feel this bad?” I look down and shake my head.
Taylor squeezes my hands and then takes a hold of my face, lifting it so I have to look him in the eyes. “You’re not horrible,” he says softly. “You’re just torn. I know how you felt about Andy when we first met her. I know you loved her so deeply. And I think that’s part of the reason this is so hard for you. You still love her, you still care for her, maybe not in the same way as you used to, the way you do me. But those feelings are still there, the love and the caring, and you’ve had a baby with her. Not in the traditional way, but you did. And now she’s married. I can’t imagine how this must feel for you.”
I lean in to Taylor, resting my head on his shoulder. Taylor wraps his arms around me tightly, letting my tears drip in to his collar. “It’s hard,” I murmur. “I didn’t think it’d be this hard. I thought she could have this baby for us and she could get married and everything would be okay. But it’s not. It’s not okay, Taylor, not for me. And it makes me feel guilty and selfish and I just… I don’t know what to do.”
“I’m here for you,” Taylor says quietly, carding his hand through my hair. “I’m always here for you.”
“I know,” I whisper. I wrap my arms around his slim waist, gripping him tightly, afraid to let go. “I just don’t know what to do. I love you more than anything. You’re my husband, my soul mate. But I’m just…” I pout and mutter, “I’m jealous of Aaron.”
“You… you are?” Taylor asks. I hold my breath and nod. “Wow, Zac, I didn’t… I didn’t know that’s how you felt.”
“I didn’t either,” I murmur. “Not till just now and it sucks so bad. I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to want both of you. I just… I can’t help it. I’m so torn.”
Taylor runs his fingers through my hair repeatedly in such a soothing manner. It hurts a little that he’s trying to comfort me when the feelings I’m having are in all fairness a betrayal to him. “I’m sorry,” I mutter, tears of shame flowing from my eyes.
Taylor kisses my head. “Shh,” he murmurs. “It’s okay. We’ll figure this out. I think you just need to take some time to figure your feelings out. Take a day or two or three by yourself, or with Andy even. Or maybe it should be the two of you and Jenna, play house, get it out of your system.” Taylor sighs. “Do whatever it takes,” he says. “Even if you have to sleep with her, just do it and get it over with. Figure things out.”
I pull back to look at my husband. “Tay, you can’t be serious.”
“I’m beyond serious, Zac,” he states. “I love you so much and I just want you to be happy and if it’s not with me, so be it.”
“But I… Tay, I can’t just take a few days with Andy. She’s leaving for her honeymoon tomorrow. And besides, I don’t really think Aaron will go along with this plan. And oh my god, what am I saying? You can’t honestly think I’ll go along with this?”
Taylor sighs. “Zac, things are just going to get worse with us if you don’t work out your feelings and I don’t want that. So, please, just talk to Andy, see what she says. Okay?”
I nod. “I guess I can at least talk to her about it.”
Taylor leans in, kissing me softly. “I love you, Zac. Now go talk to Andy.” I nod again and Taylor takes my hand, leading me back to where we left the newlyweds.
As we approach my best friend and her husband, the baby in her arms squeals, her eyes lighting up. “Pop Pop!” she exclaims. A smile takes over Taylor’s face and he takes Jenna in his arms.
“Hey, baby,” he murmurs, cuddling her close. I look at Andy and nod my head towards a bench that’s off to the side away from everyone. She nods, taking my hand in hers.
We sit side by side on the bench, turning towards each other. Andy lifts and eyebrow at me and says, “What’s up, Monster? Are you okay?”
I sigh. “Not really,” I answer.
She squeezes my hand tightly. “Talk to me,” she murmurs. I look down at our clasped hands, feeling guilty for what I’m about to do.
“I don’t want to ruin your wedding day,” I tell her. “But this is so hard for me. Having a baby with you and then you getting married. I thought I’d be okay with it, but I’m not. I gave you away to someone else today and it hurts. It hurts a lot.”
“Oh, Zac,” Andy murmurs.
My eyes sting with unshed tears. “Taylor… Taylor said that I need to take a few days to figure things out, to figure my feelings out. He said that I should spend a few days alone with you, that maybe we should, in his words, play house with Jenna, get it out of my system. And get this, he even gave me permission to sleep with you.”
“What?!” Andy exclaims, then she giggles. I frown. “Oh, I’m sorry, Monster. It’s just that he gave us permission to sleep together? Who does that?” A small smile turns up the corners of my mouth. But then I frown.
“Look, I don’t want to ruin your day and I know you’re leaving tomorrow for your honeymoon. So maybe when you get back we can have a few days together and maybe I can finally figure out these conflicting feelings.” I sigh. “I want you both and I know I can’t have that. I just need to figure it out and I just… I think this might be the only way to do it, but I’m not sure. And I just…” I shrug, not knowing what else to say.
Andy turns to me fully, taking both my hands in hers. “Monster, I will do whatever it takes to help you. I love you and I want you to be happy. I want what’s best for you.”
“Thanks,” I murmur.
Andy leans in to hug me. She squeezes me tightly and whispers against my ear. “Don’t worry, Monster. Everything will work out in the end.”
