New "Song to Sing" Chapter!!!!

[writefiction]

Title/Chapter: Song to Sing (02/??)
Author: amanda: jaclyn’s twin sister
Pairing: Zac / OFC: Olivia
Genre: Love / Romance / AU
Rating: R
P.O.V.: first person, switches back and forth but is clearly marked.
Notes: This is written for the Hanfic Genre Challenge
Other Notes: Sequel to Collide
Word Count: 2,534
Warning: Strong language & sexual situations
Previous Chapters
Summary: After The Walk Tour ‘08, Olivia and the rest of Late Night Romance move down to Tulsa so Olivia can be with Zac. After entering her second trimester, there’s a tragic loss that sends Olivia in to a devastating depression that puts a huge strain on her relationship with Zac. Will they be able to overcome this hardship or will it destroy them?

 

CHAPTER TWO

ZAC'S POV

New Year’s Eve

Christmas comes and goes and through all the festivities Olivia smiles and socializes. But I know she’s just putting on a brave face for everyone else. It’s evident by the way she comes home after all the different parties and immediately climbs in to bed and sleeps until mid-afternoon the next day. At times I find her writing in her journal, crying her eyes out as she pours her heart on to the pages. On those days, she pushes herself to go to these functions even though I tell her we don’t have to go, that people will understand, especially when those people are family. But she always refuses, says she can’t disappoint any more people, that disappointing me was enough. Apparently she still doesn’t believe that losing the baby wasn’t her fault and she didn’t disappoint me.

This New Year’s Eve we decide to stay in and celebrate, just the two of us. I have a good feeling about tonight.

When Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s is about to begin, we settle under the covers of our large bed with plenty of snacks surrounding us. I slide up against Olivia’s side, wrapping one arm around her, holding her close. I kiss her temple lightly, loving the close proximity of our bodies. “It seems like forever since we just cuddled in bed and watched TV,” I tell her quietly. My girlfriend nods, munching on some popcorn. After she swallows, she turns her face towards me.

“The holidays were hard,” she says. “I don’t know how I made it through it all.”

I press my lips to her forehead, letting them linger for a few seconds. “It’s because you’re one tough chick,” I inform her. “And I’m proud of you.”

“You are?” she asks quietly.

I nod, smiling in to her eyes. “Of course I am. You helped me get through all those parties,” I tell her.

“I did?” Olivia seems surprised.

I nod, brushing her bangs back from her eyes. “Of course. Your strength gave me the strength to get through it all. I’m so lucky to have you.”

“You’re wrong,” she murmurs. I squint my eyes in confusion and a small smile comes over her face. “I’m the lucky one.”

I smile fondly at my girlfriend and lean in to kiss her. But, as usual, when my mouth is just about to land on hers, she turns her face so my lips brush her cheek. I frown, but don’t say anything. At least she’s letting me cuddle her tonight. It’s not that she doesn’t let me show my affection because she does, it’s just that she doesn’t let it go far. Like she’s too scared of getting pregnant, of losing another baby and that kills me. But I let her have it. I don’t want to push her and make her emotional progress take three steps back. So I keep quiet and take whatever I can get.

When the ball drops and it’s finally midnight, we’re both snuggled down under the covers spooning. Olivia turns over to face me, a sweet smile on her face. “Happy New Year,” she whispers. I tuck her hair behind her ear and repeat the sentiment. “I love you, Zac,” she murmurs.

“I love you too,” I reply quietly. “So much. I can’t wait for us to get married. I can’t wait for the morning to come so we can start planning our wedding again.” I feel Olivia’s body stiffen beneath my hands and a not so happy look comes over her face. “What’s wrong?” I ask softly, a frown wrinkling my forehead.

“I’m not ready,” she whispers.

“Not… ready?” I ask slowly. Her eyes stay downcast as she nods. “You’re not ready to start planning our wedding again,” I state. I hear Olivia sniffle when she nods again. “God, Liv,” I mutter. “You promised me. You fucking promised me.”

Olivia’s head jerks up and she glares at me. “I’m sorry, Zac,” she spits. “But I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired. The holidays were so rough, so hard for me to get through. Maybe you didn’t see it, but I was struggling. I felt like I was drowning. I need a break. Do you get that?”

“You’ve had a break for months!” I exclaim. “It’s been months since we lost the baby! You need to get the fuck over it already!” Olivia gasps and I slap my hand over my mouth, not believing the words that just passed my lips.

“You did not just say that,” she growls slowly.

“I am so sorry,” I murmur. “I don’t… I didn’t… mean that. It just came out.”

“Of course you meant it, Zac!” Olivia exclaims. “You are always honest about your feelings. Almost to a fucking fault. I can’t… I just can’t believe you feel like that about me.” Tears begin to fall rapidly from her eyes. “You’re supposed to love me. You’re supposed to care about my well-being. You promised me that you’d support me one hundred percent! This is not supportive! I can’t believe you!” She pulls away from me and I reach for her, only grasping air.

“Please, Liv, please don’t go. I told you I’m sorry. And I didn’t mean it like that,” I tell her. “I just… I’m frustrated that you’re not getting any better, but not for me, for you. I hate that you aren’t feeling like your old self yet. I know how miserable it makes you. I just… I’m sorry, please, just come back,” I plead as she gets up from the bed.

She turns, putting her hands on her hips and glares at me. “I can’t believe you’re so selfish, Zac. You just want me to get back to the person I was. What if I’m not that person anymore? What if this is who I am? What if I don’t get any better? You know what? Fuck this. I’m done. I’m done trying to play the happy fiancée. Consider our engagement off. I’m through with you, Zac.” Then she stomps from the room leaving me speechless in our bed.

I hear a door at the other end of the hallway slam. The echoing of the slamming door brings the tears to my eyes. I sit there sobbing, my body shaking with grief. I pull myself together enough to throw on jeans and a t-shirt. I grab my wallet and my keys and leave the house as quickly as I can, before Olivia comes back out to trash me some more. I don’t know where I’m going to go, so I just drive.

　

OLIVIA’S POV

I watch from the guest bedroom window as Zac jumps in his car and peels out of the driveway. I’m in tears and I can’t believe this is how my life is working out right now. I can’t believe I just broke up with the only man that’s ever made me truly happy. The only man I’d risk having another miscarriage for if it meant there was a chance of making a family with him. But he left and I’m stuck here all alone. I’ve made no friends since coming to Tulsa because of my depression. So there’s really only one person I can count on and that’s Aaron.

I go back to the bedroom I’ve been sharing with Zac and find my cell phone. I hit the speed dial for Aaron and listen. When he picks up, I can hear a party going on in the background. I forgot he and the rest of the boys were going out tonight. Before I can hang up though, he says my name. “Liv? Liv, are you okay?” he asks, sounding like he’s shouting over the music. When I try to speak, the only thing that passes my lips is a strangled sob. “I’ll be right there,” Aaron says firmly, then hangs up. I toss my phone on to the night table and slide between the sheets, curling in to a ball on my side. I press my face against Zac’s pillow, breathing in his scent as I wait for my best friend to arrive.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I hear is Aaron running up the steps to the second floor, calling my name. “Liv? Olivia? Are you up here?” he calls.

“In here,” I croak, voice rough from sleeping and sobbing.

I hear Aaron’s sneakers on the wood floor entering the bedroom. Then my bed sinks as he climbs up next to me. “Baby, what’s wrong?” he asks softly, pushing my hair back from my face as he leans over me.

I turn on my back to look up at him. “I… I… got in a fight with Zac,” I tell him.

“About what?” Aaron asks soothingly, stroking my hair.

I move my line of vision away from my friend’s concerned face, feeling like shit for how this whole thing began. “Before Christmas I promised him that I’d start planning the wedding again on New Year’s Day, but tonight I told him I’m still not ready.” I shrug. “He got pissed because I promised him and then I got pissed because he said I’ve had a long enough break to… to get over losing the baby.” I begin crying again. “So I… I freaked out on him and told him I was done.”

“Done?” Aaron asks.

I nod. “Done with him and done with trying to be happy for everyone and done being engaged.” I start sobbing and wrap my arms tightly around my best friend. Aaron slides under the sheets with me, pulling me to his body.

“There, there now,” he murmurs. “It’s going to be okay.”

“You don’t know that,” I sob. “I think… I think I might have ruined things. How could he… He’d never take me back after this.”

“I don’t believe that,” the green-eyed bassist tells me softly. I pull back to look at him with watery, blood-shot, questioning eyes. “I think he loves you more than you’ll ever know and he’d take you back right now if he thought you wanted him back.”

“You don’t know that,” I whisper, pressing my face back in to his neck.

“I think I do,” he replies. “I’ve spent enough time with him by now to see how much he really does care for you. Do you think he’d have stuck it out this long if he didn’t?” I just shrug because I have a feeling my raven-haired friend is right.

“I can’t go back now,” I tell him quietly. “I can’t… I just… I’m scared that I’m not the same girl he fell in love with. Hell, he basically told me I’m not the same girl, and I know I’m not. But I’m scared that I when I get better, when I’m not depressed anymore, I still won’t be that girl. And what if he doesn’t love the new me?” I pull back to look at Aaron, trying to find some kind of reassurance in his green eyes.

He smiles softly, tucking my long hair back behind my ear. “If he doesn’t love the new you, it’s okay because I’m always going to love you no matter how much you change,” he tells me.

My eyes swell with tears. “Pr-promise?” I stutter.

Aaron nods. “I cross my heart and pinkie swear.”

“I love you, Aaron,” I murmur, touching his face gently with my fingertips.

“I love you too,” he whispers.

I lick over my dry, cracked lips watching as my best friend mirrors my actions. I’m not sure who leaned in first, all I know is that soon enough our mouths are molded together in a fierce embrace.

“Aaron!” I gasp, working my arms around his back.

“What are we doing?” he murmurs, his back arching when my hands slide up the back of his t-shirt.

“I… I don’t know,” I whisper. “I just… I want to feel better. Make me feel better. Love me, Aaron.”

“I do love you,” he replies softly.

“Show me,” I command gently.

Aaron sits up, pulling his shirt off over his head. Then he slides on top of me and I wrap my legs around his waist, my hands splaying over his warm toned back. He leans down, licking over his lips, then brushes them lightly against mine. It’s a very gentle, loving passing of lip to lip, his hands tugging on the hem of my shirt. His hands, calloused from so many years of playing bass guitar, move softly over my skin, exploring every inch of newly exposed flesh. His sweet mouth attaches to my neck, sucking and licking, nibbling gently.

We don’t say much as we shed each other’s clothes, hands and lips wandering. There are just little purrs of enjoyment and moans of pleasure, guiding us in where to touch the other. It doesn’t take long for Aaron to figure out just how to stroke my skin and where to kiss to have me squirming in delight. I find the spot on his neck where he likes me to bite and quickly learn he likes his ears nibbled on.

Not soon enough for me, he’s gently thrusting inside me. He picks a slow, gentle rhythm that drives me insane. I want it fast and hard and rough. I want to feel again. I don’t want to be numb anymore. So I grab his hips and pull him hard against me. He looks down at me curiously and I nod. He nods back and begins to thrust his hips hard and fast, over and over till I’m screaming in pleasure, crying out his name, quivering beneath his sweat slicked body. It doesn’t take long after my release for my best friend to tense, his hips moving erratically. A moment later his warm seed fills me and this feeling of relief takes over my body.

Aaron gently lays against me, his breath coming in harsh puffs against my neck. I stroke my fingers through his sweaty hair making it stand up at odd angles. Then I shrug his head from my shoulder and he lifts it to look at me. I run my knuckles gently down the side of his face, then frame it with my hands, pulling him in to me for a soft, slow kiss. “Thank you,” I whisper. “I needed that.”

“Any time,” Aaron replies, pecking me sweetly. He gently slides off of me and lays beside me. I turn on to my side and curl in to him, laying my head on his shoulder. Aaron pulls the blankets up over us and wraps his arms around me tightly, kissing my forehead lightly. “I love you,” he murmurs.

“I love you too,” I reply. There’s a beat of silence. “You’ll always love me, right? Even if I’m a completely different person after all this depression stuff?”

I feel my best friend nod. “Of course,” he assures me quietly. “I’ll always love you no matter what. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. Nothing could change the way I feel about you. I promise you that.”

“Don’t leave,” I whisper.

“I’ll stay as long as you need me,” he replies. Then my eyelids droop and I fall in to a peaceful sleep.



 

Comments

[jobhead.livejournal.com]

ohhhh shit. what happens when zac comes home???

[writefiction.livejournal.com]

Well, you can find out now. I just posted the next chapter! Thanks for reading! <333

[prettyzombiegrl.livejournal.com]

woah woah woah! that was CRAZY! oh man i feel sorry for both Liv and Zac, but I know how messed up she must feel that she had to turn to someone else. I like that a lot about this chapter, it's very real & emotional. Great work!