writefiction | Accepting Trust

Title: Accepting Trust
Chapter: 10 - quiet room confessions
Author:

writefiction
Pairing: Seb/Benji
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimor: Do not know or own. Purely fiction.
Summary: Benji's the punk the new kid at school learns to trust. There's an instant connection, an instant attraction. [lame summary, I know]
Previous Chapters: One+Two+Three+Four+Five+Six+Seven+Eight+Nine

Comments are greatly appreciated. :)

CHAPTER TEN: quiet room confessions

I'm nervous as I get ready for school. My parents have already left for work. I have no buffer if Benji comes over. If? He is coming over. He and Joel always drive me to school. But I can't bear to see him after yesterday. He probably thinks my parents brainwashed me about gay sex or something. I feel so humilated because of how I acted.

I zip up my backpack and the doorbell rings. My mouth runs dry. I set my bag on the floor and slowly walk from the kitchen to the front door. I can see Benji standing outside as I approach the door. I open it slowly. Benji turns around. He smiles.

"You ready?" he asks. I nod.

"Let me uh, get my bag," I say quietly. Benji nods. I back-track to the kitchen.

When I return, Benji's still standing there. I had hoped that miraculously he'd just leave or disappear or something. No such luck. Benji smiles and I give him a weak one. In silence we walk to the car and get in.

I put my seatbelt on as Benji starts the car. We don't go anywhere.

"Seb," Benji says quietly. I keep my eyes forward.

"Ye-Yeah?"

"It's okay," Benji tells me. "Ya know, about yesterday." Tears prick my eyes. "Hey, c'mere," he says softly, touching my shoulder. I turn quickly and bury my face in his hoodie.

Benji undoes my seatbelt and holds me close.

"Shh. It's alright," he soothes.

"I feel so stupid about yesterday," I whisper. Benji rubs my back and kisses my head.

"It's fine, Baby," he tells me. "But why didn't you tell me it was your first time?" I shrug. "Well, that doesn't matter now."

There's silence and Benji just holds me for a moment. Then he speaks.

"Yesterday, when you left, I thought I'd done something wrong," he admits. I pull back enough to look at him.

"You did nothing wrong," I assure him. "You could never do anything wrong." I push his hair back from his face. Then I kiss him lightly.

I snuggle back into Benji's chest. We're quiet for a moment.

"Where's Joel?" I ask. Benji strokes my hair.

"At home," he answers. "He's got a stomach bug." I nod. Then I peck Benji's lips.

"We should get going." He nods.

"Okay." He strokes my hair for a moment before kissing my forehead and pulling away. Then we head for school.

When we get there, homeroom has already started. Benji calmly walks us to the office. He saunters right up to the secretary's desk.

"Hey, Mrs. H," he greets the dark-haired woman behind the desk. She grins.

"Hey, Benji. And you are late today because...?" she asks.

"Seb rides with Joely and me to school every day, so he's late 'cause I'm late," Benji explains.

"And why are you late?" Mrs. Hawthorne asks.

"Well, you see, Joel's got a wicked stomach flu and he was puking all morning and Seb and I were helping him get cleaned up and settled in bed before we left. So ya know. We're late." Benji shrugs.

"Poor Joel. There's a bad bug going around. He'll probably be out for a few days," Mrs. Hawthorne sympathsizes. Benji nods. "Well you two can wait in the quiet room till first period. I'll explain it all to your homeroom teacher."

"Thanks, Mrs. H. You're a doll." Benji grins. The he leads me to a door.

"You guys behave in there!" Mrs. Hawthorne calls after us.

"Don't worry!" Benji calls back.

Benji shuts the door behind us. I sit down in one of the chairs. It's one of those cool swivelly office chairs. Benji sits down in one and rolls over to me. We sit side-by-side. Benji laces our fingers together.

"So, is she always that nice to you?" I ask.

"Yeah. My mom and her were best friends in high school. They're still friends," Benji explains. "Only problem is when I get in trouble, she calls Mom as soon as she finds out." He shrugs and I nod.

"That's cool." He nods.

"You know, she'd be nice to you too if you were my boyfriend," Benji says.

"What? And I can't get that with my good looks and charm?" I joke. Benji smiles.

"You could, but I'd rather it'd be because you're my boyfriend," he replies.

I swivel our chairs so we're facing each other, knee to knee.

"Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?" I ask.

"Possibly," Benji answers. I pat his knee.

"Well, it's a good thing you're not really asking," I tell him.

"Why?"

"Because I already have a boyfriend." Benji narrows his eyes.

"You didn't seem to care about that yesterday," he says.

"Yes, well, things like yesterday can't happen again until I talk to David," I tell him. A confused look comes over his face.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I can't be with you until I...break-up with David." I sort of mumble the last part.

"You're going to break-up with him?" Benji asks. I take his hand.

"He's in Canada, I'm here," I say with a shrug. "I can't do the long distance thing. And I like you a lot, Benji, I really do. I've been thinking of ending it with David for a while because of you."

"Really?" Benji's surprised. I smile.

"Yeah."

"How long is a while?"

"Since the first time I kissed you."

"Really?" Again, Benji acts surprised. I nod.

"Remember the next morning when I was gonna tell you something, but you told me not to ruin the moment?" I ask. Benji nods. "I wasn't going to ruin the moment."

"What were you going to say?" Benji asks quietly. His hand suddenly becomes very interesting as I play with his fingers. Splaying them, crossing them, uncrossing them.

"I was going to tell you that I liked kissing you. That I didn't regret it. I was going to tell you that I liked being with you. I like when you hold me. When you dry my tears. I like that you care and you're understanding. I like the way you make me feel."

I look up at Benji, shaking my hair from my eyes.

"My friend Pierre wrote this song. The lyrics....It explains it. It goes, I wanna feel the way you make me feel when I'm with you. I wanna be the only hand you need to hold on to."

"That's how you feel about me?" Benji asks.

"Yeah." I look back down at our hands. "I'm with you all day at school. We hang out after school. We spend time together on the weekends. But honestly, it's not enough."

"I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels that way," Benji tells me. I look at him. "Come 'ere." He tugs on my hand and I stand up, then slide into his lap.

Benji wraps his arms around me tightly.

"Know what I like best?" I ask him, leaning my head against his.

"What's that?" he counters.

"I like that I know if I asked you to save me, you would," I tell him quietly.

"Do you need to be saved?" he asks.

"I'm just lost right now," I answer.

"About what?"

"My life. My parents."

"Tell me about it," Benji commands gently.

I sigh.

"I know I'm gay. I know that I like boys. But my parents...god. I'm scared to even think of what they'd do. Especially to me."

"What does that mean?"

"Are they going to try to 'fix' me? Are they going to send me to shock therapy? Are they going to send me to one of those boot camps that try to turn you straight? I'm just kind of...scared." I shrug. Benji gives my back a rub.

"You don't have to be scared," he tells me quietly. "I'll be behind you one hundred percent. No matter what. I'll always be here for you." He kisses my cheek.

"Thanks, Benj." He nuzzles my neck.

"I can't wait to be with you. 'Cause, you already have my heart." I smile.

"Aw, you're too sweet."

"I try." I laugh lightly and the bell rings.

"Come on. Lets get going," I say standing up. Benji groans. I just smile and kiss his nose. Then we head off to class.

♥♥♥♥♥

Stay Tuned for Chapter 11!
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