Shit. Utter shit. Complete and utter shit. I can't believe I'm even crying over this. But it makes me feel like shit. I try to do things that are positive, to make myself feel better. To bring some positivity in to my life. To not be so depressed. But whatever I try, I fail hardcore. When
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hanficsprints posted that in honor of the Olympics they'd be doing the Hanfic Sprints Olympics I was psyched... that is, until I saw what time it starts. It starts at 11pm tonight. I go to BED at eleven. There are going to be challenges and medals and prizes and what-not. All really cool and fun things that I don't get to enjoy. And it's not just tonight. It's most nights that they hold the sprints. I can really only enjoy the sprints on Friday b/c that is the only night I stay up past 11 and then it's only until midnight. I've finally gotten some sleeping pills that work really well and I take it an hour before bed. But if I make myself stay up any later, the pill doesn't work at all. Which sucks beyond belief b/c I hardly get any sleep. It especially sucks when I have to leave the house at 3:30 in the afternoon. I know, you're thinking, why's that so bad? But it is. I'm soooooo not a morning person. I'm not one of those people that can wake up and jump in the shower right away. I have to be up a few hours before I can do it. And that's if I'm able to do it at all considering this is the time of year I get depressed b/c it's coming up on the anniversaries of Emilie's and Paul's deaths. So hence why I'm crying over something so stupid to begin with. And probably because I'm also PMS-ing.
When I asked why the sprints have to start so late I got 3 reasons. She does the late night sprints and the others do the "early" nights. One night it starts at 10 which is NOT early and the other starts at 8, which IS early. Then she says the second reason she has to host sprints so late is because of her baby b/c her baby doesn't go to bed until 11 and she can't host before that. That makes sense to me. But than why oh why would you host on a Monday? Well apparently the answer to THAT question is that it makes sense to do it late on Mondays is because it gives people a chance to relax after work and/or school before doing the sprints. Well, hello! If people work, doesn't that mean they can't stay up late on Mondays b/c they gotta get up early Tuesday moring to go to work?! It's like, WTF? And yes, doing late sprints on Fridays isn't unusual because people generally stay up later on Fridays. But FRIDAY is the day they start at 8 (hosted by someone else) and then she takes over for late night sprints! Like WTF? MONDAYS should be the day they start at 8. It would be more fair. And I just.... UGH!
No matter what I do everything is shit. My mom finally tells me that she'd be willing to ask a rescue if we could take home some guinea pigs on a trial basis to see if Buddy would be able to deal with them and I've found the PERFECT ones being fostered by Mainely Rat Rescue. But she hasn't even talked to the fucking landlord (who's been here all weekend) to see if we can even HAVE g-pigs! So, like, I got my fucking hopes up for nothing. My mom isn't the one that's supposed to do that. That's my dad's job. He's the one that always gets my hopes up and then kicks them to the curb. And Mom won't even tell me if she'll talk to the landlord about it. So again I say W. T. F.
I feel like complete and utter shit right now. And I feel like the way my question at
hanficsprints was answered was kind of like she was just blowing it off like it didn't matter much. I hate my life so fucking much.
I just want it all to STOP!!!!
[EDIT]:This feels very clicky to me. Like, everyone that does the Hanfic Sprints all know each other from some JSOR whatchamacallit. Who the fuck even knows what it is. I'm the only outsider. I'm the only one that writes hancest. I think I'm the only one that even writes slash. And srsly, when do they ever read and/or comment on any of my stories? I mean, I write things other than slash, I write Het and I've even written some Original fic that's a het pairing. But I don't even know where to look for any of their stuff. So I guess it's all tit for tat or whatever. And it's not like I can start my own sprinting group because, hey, guess what? I have no friends. I was trying to make friends with them, but I don't even know half their names unless it's in their screen name. and I just.... I just want to scream and yell and break things and slash my arms all over. And no, it's not just because of this stupid sprinting shit. It's just life. The sprinting thing is just the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. I'm trying really hard to not just curl up in a ball and bawl my fucking eyes out. I just have this horrible fucking black cloud hanging over my head and it won't fucking go away. I just... I hate everything and everyone right now.
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