Accepting Trust - Ch. 6
Apr. 11th, 2005 02:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
writefictionTitle: Accepting Trust
Chapter: 6 - trust
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
writefiction |aka| punksoul
Pairing: slight Seb/Benji
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimor: I do not know or own anyone. This is complete fiction.
Summary: Benji's the punk the new kid at school learns to trust. There's an instant connection, an instant attraction [could I make that more lame?]
Author's Note: Whenever Seb's dialogue is in Italics it means he's speaking French.
Previous Chapters: One+Two+Three+Four+Five
Comments are always apprecitated! XD
CHAPTER SIX: trust
It's been two weeks since I kissed Benji. I still haven't told him what I was going to tell him that morning. We haven't talked about either kiss. Now the whole gang- Billy, Aaron, Joel, Paul, Benji -and I are sitting under our favorite tree in the courtyard during lunch.
Benji's leaning back against the trunk of the tree. I'm sitting across from him in our oddly shaped circle. Billy's complaining about or English teacher, but I'm not really paying attention. I'm dristracted by Benji, not that he's doing anything. But I'm staring. Every time he catches me, I sort of blush and look away.
The bell rings signaling the end of lunch. Benji and I hang back a bit from our friends as we head inside. We have math now, just us two, none of the other guys. Benji leans close to me as we walk and whispers in my ear.
"You know, you're cute when you blush." I feel my cheeks heat up. "See, like that." I blush harder.
Benji holds the door open for me when we reach the school building. I enter first. We start down the hall.
"Sooo. What was up at lunch?" Benji asks.
"What do you mean?" I counter.
"I mean, you kept staring at me. Something you need to talk about?" Benji explains. I shrug, looking down at the worn carpet.
"C'mon, Seb, what's wrong?" Benji asks.
"It's nothing really," I answer. Benji stops and gently grabs my arm.
"Hey, is it you and David?" I look down at the floor.
"I don't want to get into it here." I look back up. My friend nods.
"Okay. Maybe we'll talk after school?"
"Maybe." I nod. Benji nods again. Then we continue towards class.
I make it through the rest of school with little incident. Though I still had a problem with keeping my eyes off Benji. When I wasn't looking at him, he was looking at me. I could feel his eyes on me. It made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. I'd look over at him and he'd smile, then go back to whatever he was doing.
We're all going to Billy's house to hang. Paul, Billy and Aaron go in Paul's car. The twins and I go in the twins' car. Benji and Joel sit up front. I'm in the back seat, silent, just staring out the window. I'm not even paying attention to what the twins are saying. I just keep wondering if I'm being stupid. If this is real. What I'm feeling is real. I'm not sure what I should do. I need to talk to someone. Just not one of the guys here. Maybe I should call Pierre.
When we get up to Billy's room, all the guys sprawl out in various spots. I'm still standing.
"Hey, Billy, can I use your phone? I need to call Canada again," I ask.
"Go for it," Billy answers. "Calling David?" I pick up the phone.
"No, my friend Pierre," I say.
"Oooh. Pierre. Sounds cute," Billy replies with a wink. I laugh lightly.
"I'll get you a picture sometime." Billy grins. Benji's looking at me.
"I'm gonna take this into the hall," I tell him. He nods. Then I slip out of the room.
I sit down and lean against the wall. I dial Pierre's familiar number. It rings twice.
"'Ello?" I smile.
"Hey, Pierre," I say in French. I know no one can hear me, but I still feel more comfortable speaking a language they don't know.
"Oh my god! Seb!" Pierre exclaims. Then he says, "What's wrong?" My eyes sting with tears. I bring my knees up to my chest, resting my elbow on them and covering my eyes.
"Everything," I whisper.
"Oh, Seb," Pierre says. "It's about David, isn't it? If it wasn't, you'd be calling him. So, tell me what's wrong."
I take a deep breath.
"It's just everything," I say. "David's so far away and I don't think I can do the whole long distance thing."
"You don't love him anymore?" Pierre asks.
"No, it's not that," I answer. "I still love him. I'll always love him. He's my first love."
"What's the problem then?" Pierre asks.
"It's just...I think I'm falling for someone else. Okay, that's not true. I KNOW I'm falling for someone else."
"You are?!"
"Yeah."
"Who is it?"
"My friend Benji."
I sigh. I can't believe I'm finally admitting this out loud.
"So, what's the deal?" Pierre asks. I sigh again.
"It's that song you wrote. You know the words: 'I wanna feel the way you make me feel when I'm with you. I wanna be the only hand you need to hold on to.'"
"How?" How does he make you feel?" Pierre asks.
"It's amazing," I answer. "It's like, ever since my mom caught me and David, I've felt broken. But since Benji entered my life..." I sigh. "It's the first time I haven't felt broken. I swear, he's amazing, Pierre. It's just like those lyrics."
"Do you want to be with him?"
"It's hard," I say quietly. "Like, I've kissed him twice and I want to do it again. I like how I feel when he holds me. I like the way he listens and is understanding. But what makes it so hard is David and the fact that I've only known Benji three weeks." I sigh. "I don't know what to do, Pierre."
"Do you know how Benji feels?" my friend asks.
"Yeah, he told me once that he likes me," I answer.
"But the problem is David," Pierre states.
"Yeah," I sigh.
"Maybe you should talk to David," Pierre suggests.
"I know I should. I just don't know what to say."
"Be honest with him. I think he may understand. He just wants you to be happy."
"I know. I just don't want to hurt him."
"I know you don't, Seb. You just gotta let him know."
"Thanks, Pie. I'm gonna go now, okay?"
"Sure, Seb. You okay now?"
"Yeah, I'm good. Thanks for listening and the advice."
"No prob Bob." I smile.
"Bye, Pierre."
"Bye, Seb."
I go back into Billy's room and hang up the phone. Benji's sat in the corner on an over-sized bean bag chair. I go over and flop down next to him. I put my head on his shoulder.
"Have a good talk with Pierre?" Benji asks.
"Yeah, pretty good," I answer.
"Do we need to talk still?" Benji asks. I shrug. "C'mon. Lets go somewhere to talk," he say, standing up. Then he reaches down to help me up.
We go down the hall to a den-like room. Benji flops down on the couch and pats the seat next to him. I move over to the couch and sit.
"So, what's going on?" Benji asks. I play with the hem of my shirt.
"I love David," I start, "but the long distance thing isn't working." I shrug.
"Aw, that's too bad, Seb," Benji says, putting his arm around my shoulders. I rest my head against him.
"It's just hard," I tell him. "I've loved David for so long. But I kinda think it's time to let go. I mean, I sort of don't want to, but I do, ya know?" I look at Benji. He nods.
"I know what you mean." I turn a bit and put my arm around Benji's waist. He pulls me closer, wrapping his other arm around me. I snuggle into his side.
"This is nice," I say softly.
"Yeah. It is," Benji replies.
"Do you think the others are wondering where we are?" I ask. Before Benji can answer, the door flies open and Joel walks in.
"So, you guys makin' out in here?" he asks. I quickly pull away from Benji.
"No! We were just talking!" I exclaim. Joel laughs.
"Dude, I was joking!" he says. I slump back agains the couch. People still don't know I'm gay and I'd like to keep it that way.
The twins are looking at me.
"What?" I ask, looking back and forth at them.
"Nothing," they both answer. There's a beat of silence.
"Okay, so Billy's ordering pizza. He wants to know what you like on yours," Joel explains, looking at me.
"I like extra cheese," I tell him. "Other than that, I'm not really that picky. Anything's fine." Joel nods, then leaves the room, shutting the door again.
I let out a breath and Benji puts his arms around me. He nuzzles my temple with his nose, then kisses the same spot. I drop my head to his shoulder and groan.
"He totally thinks we were feelin' each other up or something of the like." Benji laughs lightly, his nose buried in my hair.
"So what if he does," he says.
"Because no one's supposed to know I'm gay!" I exclaim. "I wasn't going to even tell you, but then you kinda figured it out, picking up the French an' everything." I'm speaking somewhat fast now. "No one else can know. If my parents ever found out-"
"Wait," Benji interrupts me. "You weren't ever going to tell me?" he asks.
"Well, no," I answer. "I wasn't going to tell you 'cause I can't chance my parents finding out."
"Don't you trust me?" Benji asks, pulling away a little.
"It's not that," I tell him. "But the more people who know, the greater the chance of my parents finding out. They think I'm straight, Benj. Kissing David, they probably think it was forced or something."
"You don't trust me," my friend states, pulling further away, his arms leaving me.
I turn to face the older Madden twin.
"Benji, that's not it," I say. "I do trust you."
"But you weren't going to tell me," Benji replies. "I haven't told anyone. Not even Joel and I tell him everything." Benji stands up.
"Benji..." He turns to me.
"You actually think I'd slip up? I wouldn't do that to you."
"I know you wouldn't."
"But you still don't trust me to keep it from your parents, who I haven't even met."
"I'm scared!" I exclaim.
"I'm scared too!" Benji admits. "I've only known you for three weeks and I want more than just a friendship! It's scary to feel this way so soon. But you have a boyfriend. And you're too scared to be in a relationship anyway."
I open my mouth to speak, but the door opens.
"Pizza's here," Joel says. I look at Benji, then stand.
"I'm uh, gonna get going," I tell the twins. "Tell Billy thank you for the phone use." I push passed Joel and exit the house.
Stay Tuned for Chapter 7!!!
[trust II]
Comments are always appreciated.
Yay! I got my internet back!
Chapter: 6 - trust
Author:
writefiction |aka| punksoulPairing: slight Seb/Benji
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimor: I do not know or own anyone. This is complete fiction.
Summary: Benji's the punk the new kid at school learns to trust. There's an instant connection, an instant attraction [could I make that more lame?]
Author's Note: Whenever Seb's dialogue is in Italics it means he's speaking French.
Previous Chapters: One+Two+Three+Four+Five
Comments are always apprecitated! XD
CHAPTER SIX: trust
It's been two weeks since I kissed Benji. I still haven't told him what I was going to tell him that morning. We haven't talked about either kiss. Now the whole gang- Billy, Aaron, Joel, Paul, Benji -and I are sitting under our favorite tree in the courtyard during lunch.
Benji's leaning back against the trunk of the tree. I'm sitting across from him in our oddly shaped circle. Billy's complaining about or English teacher, but I'm not really paying attention. I'm dristracted by Benji, not that he's doing anything. But I'm staring. Every time he catches me, I sort of blush and look away.
The bell rings signaling the end of lunch. Benji and I hang back a bit from our friends as we head inside. We have math now, just us two, none of the other guys. Benji leans close to me as we walk and whispers in my ear.
"You know, you're cute when you blush." I feel my cheeks heat up. "See, like that." I blush harder.
Benji holds the door open for me when we reach the school building. I enter first. We start down the hall.
"Sooo. What was up at lunch?" Benji asks.
"What do you mean?" I counter.
"I mean, you kept staring at me. Something you need to talk about?" Benji explains. I shrug, looking down at the worn carpet.
"C'mon, Seb, what's wrong?" Benji asks.
"It's nothing really," I answer. Benji stops and gently grabs my arm.
"Hey, is it you and David?" I look down at the floor.
"I don't want to get into it here." I look back up. My friend nods.
"Okay. Maybe we'll talk after school?"
"Maybe." I nod. Benji nods again. Then we continue towards class.
I make it through the rest of school with little incident. Though I still had a problem with keeping my eyes off Benji. When I wasn't looking at him, he was looking at me. I could feel his eyes on me. It made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. I'd look over at him and he'd smile, then go back to whatever he was doing.
We're all going to Billy's house to hang. Paul, Billy and Aaron go in Paul's car. The twins and I go in the twins' car. Benji and Joel sit up front. I'm in the back seat, silent, just staring out the window. I'm not even paying attention to what the twins are saying. I just keep wondering if I'm being stupid. If this is real. What I'm feeling is real. I'm not sure what I should do. I need to talk to someone. Just not one of the guys here. Maybe I should call Pierre.
When we get up to Billy's room, all the guys sprawl out in various spots. I'm still standing.
"Hey, Billy, can I use your phone? I need to call Canada again," I ask.
"Go for it," Billy answers. "Calling David?" I pick up the phone.
"No, my friend Pierre," I say.
"Oooh. Pierre. Sounds cute," Billy replies with a wink. I laugh lightly.
"I'll get you a picture sometime." Billy grins. Benji's looking at me.
"I'm gonna take this into the hall," I tell him. He nods. Then I slip out of the room.
I sit down and lean against the wall. I dial Pierre's familiar number. It rings twice.
"'Ello?" I smile.
"Hey, Pierre," I say in French. I know no one can hear me, but I still feel more comfortable speaking a language they don't know.
"Oh my god! Seb!" Pierre exclaims. Then he says, "What's wrong?" My eyes sting with tears. I bring my knees up to my chest, resting my elbow on them and covering my eyes.
"Everything," I whisper.
"Oh, Seb," Pierre says. "It's about David, isn't it? If it wasn't, you'd be calling him. So, tell me what's wrong."
I take a deep breath.
"It's just everything," I say. "David's so far away and I don't think I can do the whole long distance thing."
"You don't love him anymore?" Pierre asks.
"No, it's not that," I answer. "I still love him. I'll always love him. He's my first love."
"What's the problem then?" Pierre asks.
"It's just...I think I'm falling for someone else. Okay, that's not true. I KNOW I'm falling for someone else."
"You are?!"
"Yeah."
"Who is it?"
"My friend Benji."
I sigh. I can't believe I'm finally admitting this out loud.
"So, what's the deal?" Pierre asks. I sigh again.
"It's that song you wrote. You know the words: 'I wanna feel the way you make me feel when I'm with you. I wanna be the only hand you need to hold on to.'"
"How?" How does he make you feel?" Pierre asks.
"It's amazing," I answer. "It's like, ever since my mom caught me and David, I've felt broken. But since Benji entered my life..." I sigh. "It's the first time I haven't felt broken. I swear, he's amazing, Pierre. It's just like those lyrics."
"Do you want to be with him?"
"It's hard," I say quietly. "Like, I've kissed him twice and I want to do it again. I like how I feel when he holds me. I like the way he listens and is understanding. But what makes it so hard is David and the fact that I've only known Benji three weeks." I sigh. "I don't know what to do, Pierre."
"Do you know how Benji feels?" my friend asks.
"Yeah, he told me once that he likes me," I answer.
"But the problem is David," Pierre states.
"Yeah," I sigh.
"Maybe you should talk to David," Pierre suggests.
"I know I should. I just don't know what to say."
"Be honest with him. I think he may understand. He just wants you to be happy."
"I know. I just don't want to hurt him."
"I know you don't, Seb. You just gotta let him know."
"Thanks, Pie. I'm gonna go now, okay?"
"Sure, Seb. You okay now?"
"Yeah, I'm good. Thanks for listening and the advice."
"No prob Bob." I smile.
"Bye, Pierre."
"Bye, Seb."
I go back into Billy's room and hang up the phone. Benji's sat in the corner on an over-sized bean bag chair. I go over and flop down next to him. I put my head on his shoulder.
"Have a good talk with Pierre?" Benji asks.
"Yeah, pretty good," I answer.
"Do we need to talk still?" Benji asks. I shrug. "C'mon. Lets go somewhere to talk," he say, standing up. Then he reaches down to help me up.
We go down the hall to a den-like room. Benji flops down on the couch and pats the seat next to him. I move over to the couch and sit.
"So, what's going on?" Benji asks. I play with the hem of my shirt.
"I love David," I start, "but the long distance thing isn't working." I shrug.
"Aw, that's too bad, Seb," Benji says, putting his arm around my shoulders. I rest my head against him.
"It's just hard," I tell him. "I've loved David for so long. But I kinda think it's time to let go. I mean, I sort of don't want to, but I do, ya know?" I look at Benji. He nods.
"I know what you mean." I turn a bit and put my arm around Benji's waist. He pulls me closer, wrapping his other arm around me. I snuggle into his side.
"This is nice," I say softly.
"Yeah. It is," Benji replies.
"Do you think the others are wondering where we are?" I ask. Before Benji can answer, the door flies open and Joel walks in.
"So, you guys makin' out in here?" he asks. I quickly pull away from Benji.
"No! We were just talking!" I exclaim. Joel laughs.
"Dude, I was joking!" he says. I slump back agains the couch. People still don't know I'm gay and I'd like to keep it that way.
The twins are looking at me.
"What?" I ask, looking back and forth at them.
"Nothing," they both answer. There's a beat of silence.
"Okay, so Billy's ordering pizza. He wants to know what you like on yours," Joel explains, looking at me.
"I like extra cheese," I tell him. "Other than that, I'm not really that picky. Anything's fine." Joel nods, then leaves the room, shutting the door again.
I let out a breath and Benji puts his arms around me. He nuzzles my temple with his nose, then kisses the same spot. I drop my head to his shoulder and groan.
"He totally thinks we were feelin' each other up or something of the like." Benji laughs lightly, his nose buried in my hair.
"So what if he does," he says.
"Because no one's supposed to know I'm gay!" I exclaim. "I wasn't going to even tell you, but then you kinda figured it out, picking up the French an' everything." I'm speaking somewhat fast now. "No one else can know. If my parents ever found out-"
"Wait," Benji interrupts me. "You weren't ever going to tell me?" he asks.
"Well, no," I answer. "I wasn't going to tell you 'cause I can't chance my parents finding out."
"Don't you trust me?" Benji asks, pulling away a little.
"It's not that," I tell him. "But the more people who know, the greater the chance of my parents finding out. They think I'm straight, Benj. Kissing David, they probably think it was forced or something."
"You don't trust me," my friend states, pulling further away, his arms leaving me.
I turn to face the older Madden twin.
"Benji, that's not it," I say. "I do trust you."
"But you weren't going to tell me," Benji replies. "I haven't told anyone. Not even Joel and I tell him everything." Benji stands up.
"Benji..." He turns to me.
"You actually think I'd slip up? I wouldn't do that to you."
"I know you wouldn't."
"But you still don't trust me to keep it from your parents, who I haven't even met."
"I'm scared!" I exclaim.
"I'm scared too!" Benji admits. "I've only known you for three weeks and I want more than just a friendship! It's scary to feel this way so soon. But you have a boyfriend. And you're too scared to be in a relationship anyway."
I open my mouth to speak, but the door opens.
"Pizza's here," Joel says. I look at Benji, then stand.
"I'm uh, gonna get going," I tell the twins. "Tell Billy thank you for the phone use." I push passed Joel and exit the house.
[trust II]
Comments are always appreciated.
Yay! I got my internet back!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no prob, Bob
Date: April 14th, 2005 11:58 pm (UTC)Joel's funny.
& Seb ran away! That's not gonna solve anything. Hmm,
this is a good chapter. Update soon & maybe I'll update
too, after not writing slash for a couple hundred years.
♥ you & your internet.
Re: no prob, Bob
Date: April 19th, 2005 04:19 pm (UTC)Sorry I didn't update yesterday or Sunday like I promised. My friend came over and she kept me busy for two days. Whatever.
I'll try to update today or tomorrow. But right now I need to eat something.
♥ you