Heartache via iPod Touch

How many weeks has it been? I don't really know bc it feels like years. Feels like I've been dealing with this heartache for years on end. My mom thinks it's stupid to be so torn up. She thinks if I'm getting so upset I shouldn't participate in sprinting or the Hanfic Genre Challenge. Seems like if I do that I should just quit writing altogether.

I feel like I've lost a best friend. Someone I've never even met. Someone I thought I could get mad at and then kiss & make up with. Someone whose opinion I respect but can disagree with. I'm heartbroken and it hurts. I cry every night after my mom goes to sleep. I'm crying right now.

It sucks bc I know there's something wrong with me and it's not just my usual depression and anxiety. It's something more. It's only the week before, during and after my period. I'm convinced it's PMDD. The feelings and mood swings I have are not normal and now it's come at the loss of a friend.

My mom doesn't get it. She doesn't realize that online friends are just as important as real life friends. Especially when they're people you talk to more than you do your real life friends. Lene gets it though. Lene said she was probably a great support to me and she was. Now I feel like I've lost a whole community of friends bc of this. It sucks and it hurts and it's difficult to deal with bc I don't feel like I can talk to my mom. She has no clue, she doesn't get it at all bc she's never made friends online before. She has plenty of friends in real life that she sees and talks to on a daily basis. I only talk to my online friends on a daily basis.

This hurts. And it sucks. Nuff said.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Tweet! Tweet!

• 00:26 @scorptwitr I just left u a comment. It's a pretty sucky one. I didn't know what to say except I loved it *shrug* now maybe I can sleep #
• 00:41 Y do I feel so lonely @ nite lately? MayB its bc every1 I know RL & interwebz has sum1 & I dont. MayB its bc Ive been alone 4 the last 10yrs #
• 00:48 Or mayB it's bc I sorta believe the shit she says abt me. That I'm nothing that I'm just a leach that no1 will evr luv me bc I'm 2 messed up #
• 00:51 Maybe I *AM* a damaged freak... If only I had a Kris to prove me wrong :/ #
• 08:41 @rachiegrl6 didn't u hear? It's canceled bc of rain :/ #
• 08:48 @scorptwitr I wish we were friends in RL. You def know what to say to make me feel better & I hope you know how much I appreciate it. <333 #
• 08:57 Who the fuck weed whacks at 9 in the morning?!?! #
• 08:58 Oh makes sense now. It's the peeping tom that lives next door. Will be so happy not to be his neighbor anymore. #
• 09:25 Sleepy. If peeper would stop playing with his power tools maybe I could go back to sleep. #
• 11:00 @rachiegrl6 it's nice here in NH too #
• 12:22 apparently I heated Buddy's lunch up just right cuz he's chowin' down on it :) #
• 12:49 Guess I'm not seeing @hansonmusic this tour. Not coming close enough. They're not even coming to Hampton Beach :( #
• 13:00 just sneezed really loudly and scared the g.pig! LOL #
• 13:01 @scorptwitr Scoooooooorp! *whine* Hanson isn't coming to NH this tour *pout* #
• 13:06 @scorptwitr yes, it sucks bad. oh well. It's not like I haven't seen them 4 times already. But this is NEW music, ya know? #
• 13:07 @scorptwitr just meant that we don't hang out in RL, like this is our only "hang out" time. ya know? #
• 13:09 damn cable is effed up. It's in black n white right now. #
• 13:11 eating elf cookies. they make me happy :D #
• 13:13 @scorptwitr I know how that is. I talk to you & @jobhead1 & @RedHattedChick more than my RL friends. #
• 13:14 @scorptwitr means there will be a pit & no chairs. #
• 13:38 Tired blah. #
• 13:40 I need some freaking motivation to write. Anyone got some for me? *fifi dog eyes* #
• 13:44 @scorptwitr haha #
• 13:45 @jobhead1 LOL. I do better with positive reinforcement. #
• 13:45 @jobhead1 but I don't object to the yelling, cuz sometimes I need it. lol #
• 13:48 so now I just need to figure out what to work on. #
• 13:49 @jobhead1 i think most ppl do.... well unless they're kinky bastards! lol #
• 13:58 @scorptwitr okay sweetie. talk to you later. love you! }}!{{ #
• 14:00 my back is starting to hurt so I'mma lay down for a bit. Also need to shower at some point. And clean Blondie's cage. The End. BBL #
• 14:09 @jobhead1 I'll try! ;) #
• 15:50 @RedHattedChick I have RL friends but I barely see/talk to them. I talk to you guys on a daily basis. #
• 16:46 Uh-oh that depressed lonely feeling is taking over again & I know why & I hate it. #
• 16:49 @RedHattedChick thanks bb #
• 16:50 @prettyzombiegrl I won't be watching hanson. #
• 16:53 @RedHattedChick I'm feeling fine physically but I just want to cry. I should probably wait till after my mom leaves tho. #
• 16:58 @RedHattedChick not since I took my nap. And the only way to really feel better is to let the tears out. (cont) #
• 16:59 @RedHattedChick (cont) I don't want 2 cry in front of my mom bc she thinks it's stupid 2B getting so upset over this. She just doesnt get it #
• 17:04 @RedHattedChick bout 7 more minutes. I think she's waiting for her friend to come get her. #
• 17:14 @RedHattedChick I have a charity fic I need to write. The pairing is teen!Adam / future!Adam. And it's supposed to be nc-17 #
• 17:22 @RedHattedChick no just in my head so far. #
• 17:23 Mama left. Now I can cry. Hope she's really indecisive when it comes 2 the rug so I can have a good long cry bc that's what I really need. #
• 17:53 @prettyzombiegrl bit.ly/cgum7S click this pretty please. #
• 18:03 Done crying. Eyes are sore & nose is stuffy. Wrote a journal entry & sent it off 2 who it's about. Feeling a bit better now. #
• 18:27 Does she not realize I have 2 lay down bc I'm in severe pain half the time & I may have 2 have SURGERY in a couple weeks for it? F-off loser #
• 18:29 Just when I was feeling better emotionally certain ppl have to ruin it #
• 19:30 @prettyzombiegrl I see that. That's why I got the lappy out. #
• 19:30 @RedHattedChick I'm awake. What's up? #
• 19:41 @RedHattedChick I'll probably be falling asleep soon as I just took that pill that makes me SUPER drowsy. #
• 19:45 @jobhead1 um, kidney feels good. cried a bit. had dinner. will probably conk out soon bc of the pp pill. lol nice name right? #
• 19:45 @RedHattedChick Okay :) #
• 19:51 @RedHattedChick lol. Um.... I don't know. Maybe show me how it looks with Krissydoll and I can decide. *shrug* #
• 19:52 @jobhead1 yes, in that order. I waited 4 my mom to leave to cry, then she brought back McDonalds lol And yeah, I'm feeling better. #
• 19:53 @scorptwitr hi bb *snuggles* #
• 19:53 @RedHattedChick k #
• 19:54 @jobhead1 haha yes. I think the crying & writing about my feelings helped tremendously, and then the fries were a bonus ;) #
• 20:07 @jobhead1 yes it certainly does! #
• 20:08 @scorptwitr it IS the bomb! And what good things are happening for you bb? #
• 20:12 @scorptwitr so you're moving further away from me? *pout* #
• 20:17 @scorptwitr well, good for you then :) #
• 20:19 I guess it's that time of the night where the pp pill kicks in & I fall asleep for a bit. I'm totally going to miss out on #DWTS #
• 21:48 @scorptwitr @RedHattedChick @jobhead1 peeeeeeeeenusssss! =P #
• 21:51 @RedHattedChick kradam peeeeeeeeenusssss! =O #
• 21:56 @scorptwitr I would like KRADAMpeeeeeeeeenussss to be a trending topic tyvm! #
• 22:04 @scorptwitr I'm sure it could happen ;D KRADAMpeeeeeeenussss #
• 22:05 Aw. High-functioning autistic boy on L&O. Hope he's not the killer :/ #
• 22:31 @jobhead1 I want KRADAMpeeeeeeenusssss to be a trending topic XD #
• 22:40 @jobhead1 they deeeeeeeeserve it! *giggle* #
• 22:53 @jobhead1 yeah well you may need to keep repeating it. #
• 23:16 Ma's tripping over packed boxes 2 get 2 her bed. That's why I always turn my light on =P #
• 23:17 Took my sleeping pills so don't be surprised if I drop off the twit-train soon. #
• 23:20 Loves that Twitter sends DM notices hours after I've replied to the DM *eyeroll* #
• 23:27 Well imma try 2 sleep. Will probs be back in an hour or so when the sand man doesn't show. #
• 23:29 @scorptwitr goodnight bb I luv u. I'll try 2 do as u say & focus on the nice ppl in my life... like u. U always know how 2 cheer me up }}!{{ #

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