Rant via iPod Touch

[writefiction]

I am in the bitchiest/pissiest mood ever. Today was going so well... at first. My mom and I went shopping for three and a half hours today. I bought $100 worth of stuff and only paid for $60 of it (this is if you include cigarettes) I had a $25 gift card to Borders that I got from Jeff, Mark and Doug and ended up with a purchase of $27. When we went to Target my mom ended up paying for the things I was going to buy. Then at Joanne Fabrics I bought $18 worth of yarn and a book of patterns that has a really cool messenger bag in it that I bought the yarn for. Then we came home and life was dandy.

Towards bedtime I asked my mom if we could go get guinea pigs after therapy tomorrow. She didn't even answer me, her way of saying no. When I asked her why she said, do we have to go thru this every time you ask? I told her I didn't get it because she said I could get them before and now she's saying no. One of the reasons is bc she thinks Buddy will eat them. So I proceeded to tell her that Aubrey's cats don't eat her piggies. Then she said she didn't want to get another pet until we move in case we move to a place that only allows one pet. That led me to saying that I think we'll never move bc she can't make up her friggin mind about anything concerning where to move and who our new relestate agent should be. I told her we'd probably live here for the rest of our lives. Then we didn't speak for a moment.

The next thing out of my mouth was that I wasn't going to see Sheila tomorrow and my mom was all like, why? Bc you can't get your way? so then I proceeded to tell her that there's no point in going anymore because I'm stuck and I'm never going to get any better. I told her I'm sick and tired of it all. With which she replied, Don't you think I'm sick and tired too? I told her that at least she gets to escape to work or go out with her friends. I do neither. The only socialization I get nowadays is over the freaking Internet. I'm fucking 25 years old and going nowhere. I'm never going to get any better and it fucking sucks like you wouldn't believe. So then I smoked a cigarette, put my pajamas on and crawled in bed to cry. My mom came in and rubbed my back for like an hour. She stayed up till one in the morning waiting for me to fall asleep. Finally she came in to ask me if I was safe. I told her yes just to get her to leave me alone. I mean, I'm not suicidal at this moment but I can't say that cutting doesn't sound appealing at this moment.

Then I check my friends page and find out I've been deleted by someone I thought was a friend. Someone that doesn't post much anymore. She was complaining about people being bitches and talking trash about her. I figured she didn't mean me because I've never said anything bad about her that I can recall. So I left a comment saying that I've never called her a goddamn stupid dykey bitch and I still get the boot thanks. And then she comes back with my posts are only tweets and kradam and she doesn't respond to either. Well excuse me fir not having anything in my life worth writing about. And hey, I've been making posts about my psychotic sister and her threatening my life and what-not. I also posted about my birthday last week. And I can't help it if my passion is writing so that's what I post. Sorry if I consider my uneventful life unworthy of writing about. If I did write about it, it'd go some thing like this:

Woke up. Took pills. Smoked. Ate breakfast. Watched TV. Smoked some more. Wrote some. Got bugged by a 12 yr old on facebook. Ate dinner. Took more pills. Went to bed.

I'm sure you all would love to see that on your friends page every single day. I mean I used to go to a lot of concerts so I had lots of stories to tell about that and pictures to post. I've been to two concerts since 2008. I used to go to local shows every single weekend. Sometimes twice a weekend. I don't do that anymore. My life literally consists of being home except for when I have appointments to go to.

So yeah. I'm in the bitchiest/pissiest mood ever. I wish I could wake up tomorrow and the last 13 years will all have been a nightmare. I'm just stuck where I am. I'm stuck in this apartment. I'm stuck taking pills. I'm stuck going to stupid appointments. Maybe my sister was right. Maybe I should do the world a favor and just kill myself. I know it'd make my mom's life a helluva lot easier and mine too since ya know there would be no life left. Whatever. I don't care. It's days like these that I wish I'd never been born.

FML

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Comments

[n-isfor-neville.livejournal.com]

I haven't been to a show since 2008, and I'm itching to go to one. It's really sad, because like you, I used to go to everyone I could. Now, it just never works out. Getting older SUCKS.

I'm feeling stuck right now too. Stuck in a job I hate, yet I can't seem to make myself look for a new job. It's like I have no ambition. I'm wondering if I'm ever going to move out of my parents house. If I do, I'll know I'll be a recluse. That's how it was in college.

I'm like you, I don't update my LJ much anymore, because if I did, it'd just be a lot of complaining, but I still read most updates and try to comment to other people. If people de-friend me, big deal. I know that my real friends wouldn't do that.

[writefiction.livejournal.com]

Thank you for this comment. I needed this perspective.

[n-isfor-neville.livejournal.com]

I'm working on a baby blanket, which just reminded me... have you considered making things to sell on Etsy?

[writefiction.livejournal.com]

I don't know anything about Esty. But when I gave Roy the Chihuahua his latest sweater (for Christmas) Joyce said she thought I had bought it for him, not made it and she told me I should sell them. So, that could be an option. Vocational Rehabilitation people told me I couldn't work from home because there just weren't any jobs. But I dunno, this sounds kind of perfect.

[n-isfor-neville.livejournal.com]

www.etsy.com

Check it out. I buy a lot of stuff there. It's where people sell stuff they make. There is a listing fee, but it's only 20 cents each item. Customers can request custom items, as well.

P.S.

[writefiction.livejournal.com]

I actually have a knitting LJ, but I haven't posted to it yet. Well, I did, but the entry will be private until I finish the project and have the whole pattern worked out. In case you want to friend it here it is: knitxthis