shame on you, you fool me once

So I think I'm ready to post about this, but I'm not sure. I'm going to try.

On Wednesday, January 14th, I noticed Logan (my cat aka the Bitch Kitty) was doing something weird with her neck. She couldn't lift her head up. It was like her chin was stuck to her chest. I noticed this at, like, 10:30 in the morning, but I figured if I told my mom she would just have said to wait till she got home and she could look at her. So when my mom called at 3:15 to ask if I wanted to run errands with her I told her about Logan. I also told her that Logan looked sad but her neck didn't hurt and she could move it from side to side.

So Mom came home and we went on our errands. When we got back I showed Mom Logan's issue. She decided to call our vet and see if it was possible for a cat to get a stiff neck. We called Russell Animal Hospital and they told us to bring Logan to CAVES (capital area veterinary emergency services) right then; it could NOT wait till morning. She probably had a chemical imbalance and cats deteriorate fast. So we packed Logan up into her cat carrier, which was weird in itself b/c after hiding once under the bed, me getting her and trying (unsuccessfully) to get her in her cage, she went into my mom's room (the bed she always hides under), went around the corner of her bed and just flopped down. She didn't even struggle when I picked her up. This was not my kitty. So we eventually get her in the cage, which she goes into willingly, and we're off to CAVES.

When we get to the animal ER they take us right in to Exam 1. They weigh Logan and take her temperature, which she just laid there for. The only other time I've seen a cat do that was when MnM had the kitty flu and had been puking for hours. They found out that Logan was REALLY dehydrated. They also found out that she had full range of motion in her neck, but she just couldn't move it on her own, which pointed to low potassium b/c the potassium is what makes your muscles work. So they did blood work. They actually put a IV catheter in her. They also did a urine sample. The only things that the tests showed was that Logan's potassium was almost non-existent, she had tons of glucose in her urine, but her blood glucose was within the normal range. Also, the tests were basically inconclusive to WHY all of this was happening.

Five hours and 400$ later, we decided to euthanize Logan. They brought her in for her last goodbyes. All I could think is that this was not my kitty. She just laid there under the towel they had given her. The fact that she was under the towel was the only thing that really reminded me of her. She's always been cold-blooded and has loved to be under blankets. But she just laid there. Normally when she's at the vets' she's on her best behavior, all friendly-like, and loves to explore the counters, jumping from one to the other. But she was just laying there, not moving. In the five hours we'd been there, she'd gotten worse and the vet didn't think she'd even make it through the night, that we were probably doing what was best.

Mom didn't want to be in the room when they injected her, but she stayed b/c I wanted to be there. I wanted to be there b/c I hadn't with our other cat and I'd always regretted it, 3 years of regret. Also, Logan has really bad separation anxiety when it comes to me. I didn't want to just walk out of the room like that. She'd already had a panic attack when they were doing her blood. I actually heard her cry, but Mom said it wasn't her.....until the dr came in and told us she had a panic attack, then I think she believed me.

Anyway. Logan was so sick by that point I don't think she even got the full injection before she was gone. I could tell by her eyes. The light really does go out.

What was even worse, is that when we got home there was a message from my grandmother saying that she was coming down b/c Nani, her best friend who is like another grandmother to me, was in the hospital with heart failure: fluid around the heart. Now, you may think that some people get through it after they drain the fluid, right? Well, there's something you should know about Nani. She's 91 years old. I'm freaking out b/c I can't take another death this week. Not like this. Especially not her.

I'm so sad right now and I have to freakin go to the GI today. I don't want to, but I have to. They're hard to get in to see. *sigh*

I hope all my Flisters are doing better than me.
*huggles to all*

This is what I wrote on January 29, 2008:

I thought 2008 was going to be different. Jeff's brother was the Christmas Miracle. One day he was on life support, having strokes, and the family was thinking about pulling the plug. A week later he woke up, was breathing on his own and wanted a cigarette.

& & & & &

This morning when I got up, I checked the caller ID as per usual. There was a call from Jeff at 1:01AM. So I, of course, called my mom and asked her what that was all about. I hadn't even heard the phone ring last night. She said she had wanted to wait till later to tell me. Jeff's brother died. That's all I know. I'm pretty sure Mom didn't want to explain everything over the phone while she was at work, ya know?

This brings the death toll up to 14. From March 2007 - February 2008 there have been 14 people I have known personally that have died. If you want to include all the actors that have died, it brings the number up to 18. Then, if you include Mark's mom, who is dying and will probably die soon, the number is 19.

wtf?

So, my grandma called the other day at, like, 11pm to tell us that my great-aunt's father-in-law died. I don't even know which great-aunt she was talking about. My mom talked to her. I didn't. But that makes death #11 for this year.

A couple months ago Jeff's brother broke his neck and had to have a halo put on. He healed and got it taken off. But then last week his daughter found him on the floor at his house asking if Jeff was still in the kitchen. Jeff lives here in New Hampshire. His brother lives in Mass. And there was evidence that things had just not been right. It was all very weird. So he got put in the hospital again.

This morning Jeff called. His brother had a stroke last night. They've decided to pull the plug. So Jeff and his son are on their way down to Mass. They might even be there by now. Everyone is pretty sure that the brother is going to die once they take him off the machines. But, you know, there's always a slight possibility that he might be okay. Of course, this is like the umpteenth time that they thought he was going to die in his life and he's always pulled through. But really, I think this time's different. So, if he dies, he'll be the 12th death for this year. 2007 is definitely the year of death. I promise you. I hope 2008 is better.


Be safe, lovelies.

amanda: jaclyn's twin sister