shame on you, you fool me once

So a while ago the Renee's said they wouldn't mind reading a Zaylor if it was based on the psychology of why a person would be interested in having that kind of incestual relationship with their brother.

Well I've been tossing and turning for two hours now, restless as all hell, when I thought that maybe this story could be fun to write. Idk. It'll involve a lot of research if anyone wants to help in that department of things. I probably won't start writing till I've got some concrete facts down to get me started.

Would anyone read this?

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Fuck. I've been awake since 2:30 this morning. I got up to pee and the next thing I knew I couldn't get back to sleep. Now it's 5:33 AM. I ate a bowel of cereal, I smoke a few cigarettes, I turned the tv off and turned on my iPod. Usually my idol boys can put me easily to sleep. Not this time. The only thing I haven't tried is a shower but I don't really feel up to getting out of the bed.

I'm so frustrated to the point that I keep crying. My sleeping pattern has been so fucked up lately. Sunday I went to bed and fell asleep sometime before two. Then I didn't get up till 2 o'clock in the afternoon on Monday! 12+ hours straight of sleep! How fucking crazy is that?! Then Monday I never went to bed. I stayed up for 24 hours, took about an hours nap and was back up the rest of the day. So I went to bed, fell asleep rather quickly, probably cuz I didn't feel good. Then I got up around one yesterday only because my mom called me; I had an appointment in an hour O_O not enough time for me to wake up and get myself ready. But somehow I managed. Deathly tires last night when I went to bed. Fell asleep really quickly. But around 2:30 I woke up having to potty. I haven't slept since.

This sleeping pattern is driving me insane. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have appointments to be ready for. I'm so frustrated I keep crying. It's not fun.

Well I'm going to see if I can go to sleep now. I'm feeling a little drowsy now. Wish me luck.

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I feel like hitting something, just totally fucking my room up completely. It's a bit irrational but I can't help it.

This is the second week that I've been having sleeping issues. It was about two weeks ago that I stopped using my sunlight. The combination of the light and my new medication was doing so well for me. I slept all night and was actually getting up at a fairly decent time for someone that stays home all day.

But now that I haven't been using it, I sleep off and on all day. They only way to keep myself up is by moving around. I can't lay on the couch or I'll fall asleep. I can't even sit on the couch because I slump over and curl up against the arm and fall asleep. I bet if I laid on the floor to play with Buddy I'd fall asleep, that's how bad it is.

Sometimes I'll sleep all night and all day. Other times I'm up all night and sleep off and on all day. Like, I even fall asleep at 7 or 8 at night. It's horrible!

I'm so frustrated with the whole thing. And I feel so restless right now it's driving me crazy! I just want to go run around the block or something I feel so restless or like I could put a workout DVD in and put it on repeat for a few hours. Srsly.

Also I want to write and I have all these awesome prompts and i'm even in the middle of writing one but right now my mind's a blank. But maybe if I got my notebook in here and read what I've got so far, it may just spark something. And if it doesn't I can always look thru all my prompts to see if any of those could inspire me to write something new. Then I could move back on to the thing I feel I can't write today. And the thing is, it's original characters, like where did that come from?

Anyway I'm going to shut up now. Thanks for listening.

♥

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Jeezus! I'm so frickin excited about today that I can't get back to sleep. This is gonna suck by the end of the night. But I can't help it. I just want to go to petsmart / petco and the necessaries for my new kitty. We need a new litter box, some new toys, litter, food but we'll probably have to wait to see which one we adopt to figure out the food. Plus they'll need a collar and nametag, not that they'll wear it. I have Logan's tag on my keychain. Now I just need to find MnM's. Then all my memories of my babies will be with me all the time.

Damn. I really canNOT wait for today and then tonight. Today is going to be awesome. I can feel it. Can't you?

Anyway, Imma go on my freezing cold porch and have a smoke. Maybe when I come back in and get under my toasty blankets, I'll be able to get back to sleep. If not, I'll take a shower..... Maybe.

Well, I'm gonna go have that smoke now. I'll update later tonight and tell you how everything goes. Keep your fingers crossed.

♥

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I went to bed @ my normal time tonight. I slept until about 1:30am. Now I'm up and I can't fall back asleep. Which sucks in general. But of course it has to happen on the 1 day I got up @ 8 o'clock in the morning. And also a day in which I didn't even take a nap. But at this moment I'm wide awake. It sucks hardcore!

So, yeah, I don't know what to do really. It sucks. Plus I have an appointment @ 4:00 tommorrow... er, rather later today. I'm screwed.

Well, I guess I'm going to get going. I don't know what I'm going to do tho. *sigh*

Hugs and love
Sweet dreams.
No nightmares.

Love,
amanda: jaclyn's twin sister

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