shame on you, you fool me once

So I just read a journal entry that kinda pissed me off. It was about respect in fandom. A fandom in which I was heavily involved in too. I know that I started the drama I was involved in, but where was my respect after I apologized? Yeah, I apologized and it got me nowhere. There were things said and done to me that made me feel it wasn't even necessary for me to apologize, yet I did it to be the bigger person. And when I asked if I was going to get an apology I was told no because they weren't sorry for telling me to kill myself. And at the time that they told me to kill myself, I actually attempted suicide. Obviously it didn't work. I'm still here.

I don't understand why this girl gets backed up on the respect issue when most of the people that backed her up are the people that couldn't respect me. It angers me and it upsets me. But the thing is, it shouldn't because I like the fandoms I'm playing around in now, that actually show respect to people, except for that one anonymous comment I got. But people stuck up for me after I got that comment, even tho I'm pretty sure the girl who stuck up for me didn't like the story either. But she did it because she's a friend and felt the comment was uncalled for.

I'm not sure what I'm even trying to say here. I guess the point is, if you want other people to respect you, you should show some respect too. The fandom that this whole thing is about, they act very... high school. All banning together for the purpose of excluding others when someone does something wrong to ONE person. It makes no sense since most of the girls in this fandom are out of high school and some are even out of college.

It's been almost four months and I haven't really talked to any of the girls in this fandom. And I've pretty much dumped the fandom just because I can't deal with those girls. Yeah, at one point, I wanted to get back in with them, but the thing is... I don't want them to gang up on me again if I disagree with something. I don't want to be banned from things just because I speak my mind in a journal entry because of something that happened that was kind of upsetting to me. Did they ever think I write these entries to get things off my chest in order to deal with it and move past it? Probably not and highly doubtful.

Respect is a two way street. And if this post makes them feel like I'm disrespecting them, then so be it because like I said, it doesn't really matter if I get back in with that clique. Srsly. Another thing that was said in this post that I read is that the fandom is small enough and we should be encouraging each other and not excluding. Well, what the hell did they do to me? Even after I apologized? Even after almost four months of leaving them all alone and not butting in on anything and just... everything.

In my honest opinion... Fandom sucks and fandom is great. There's always going to be those people that aren't respectful of others' decisions to write what they want, the way they want or even have respect to let people disagree with things that are scheduled / handled / or what not. It doesn't mean we hate you, just because we disagree. And yes, people are allowed to complain about things that they don't like or that irk them. It doesn't mean they're being disrespectful, not necessarily. It just means they don't like something and they need to vent. And I'm sure there are plenty of you out there that need to vent about things sometimes and you mean no disrespect.