writefiction: (Default)

So apparently the nurse that called me on Friday was an utter moron. I don't have a kidney infection. Nowhere on my chart does it talk of infection. The nurse my mom talked to today said that I have something that's like kidney stones, but it's not stones it's more like sand. She also said that the ultrasound showed the tube from my kidney to my bladder is all swollen from the irritation. She said to drink plenty of water and take Tylenol for the pain. Also putting heat on it helps. The specialist called today to say they have all my info but they don't have time to see me yet and they'll call me back when they've got a spot open. *eyeroll*

Also I think I'm drowning in depression. It sucks.

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writefiction: (dork)
So I interrupted my writing to write this journal post. I felt the need to make an update on life for a change.

So last week I had a horrible fight with [livejournal.com profile] prettyzombiegrl. It sucked hardcore and I was miserable, as I'm sure she was too. But we worked it out eventually and things are great now. I'm so glad because she's one of my bestest intraweb friends. It also shows how far I've come since I was a teenager. When I was a teen, if we'd had this fight, I probably would have told her to fuck off and never spoken to her again. So in a way, it was nice to have a big blow up and be able to work it out. It makes me feel more like an adult and I like that. Although, I wish I could have felt that way without having to have a fight like that. But it doesn't matter now cuz we're all good =D

And just when I'm starting to feel really good emotionally, I start to feel really bad physically. I've got kidney stones apparently. They hurt like you wouldn't believe! This morning when I woke up, my entire back hurt. I thought I was dying. Luckily I have percocets to help with that. Two years ago when I got them, it took me six days to pass them. So this started on Saturday... If it takes me as long as it did last time, I'll feel better by Friday. Now I can't wait for Friday to come around. lol. But I felt so bad yesterday I had to cancel my therapy appointment b/c sitting up for too long makes me hurt. It's like, laying down makes it settle so it doesn't hurt. Then when I sit up and start moving around, it makes the stones move around and hurt. So, like, showering sucks. Even sitting at my laptop sucks. But I've been sitting up since 11:30am and I'm not out of my mind with pain, just a tad bit sore, so I'm loving it :)

Last night I told my mom that I wanted to get guinea pigs this week. She said no because this week is soooo crazy, but maybe next week. I'm so excited although she says I can only get one piggie. Mom said she was reading something and that getting them in pairs only makes them live longer so she doesn't think it's necessary to get two. I'm okay with that. But I told her that with rats you HAVE to get at least two because rats become neurotic if they don't have at least one cage-mate. But we're not getting rats, so that doesn't really matter to us. I still need to do a little research on what types of fresh veggies they can eat. Guinea pigs, like us, don't produce their own vitamin c, they have to get it from supplements or the food they eat. On one website the woman's g-pigs wouldn't drink their water if she put vitamin c drops in it and I actually read somewhere that it doesn't work as well in their water anyway. Also, just getting one means I don't have to get another bigger cage. The one I have will work fine as long as I give the piggie plenty of out-of-cage time. Which is something I'm definitely looking forward too. And in the warm months I can take it outside.... as long as I get it a harness & leash (which you can get specifically for g-pigs) or a critter play-pen. Anyway, that's something I'm really looking forward to.

Another thing I've done is figured out what to do with my birthday money my grandma sent me. Lion Brand Yarn was having a sale on this knitting needle kit. You get straight AND circular needles in sizes 2 - 15. Plus you get 4 different length cables for your circular needles. And they all come in a travel case. It's usually $90 for the whole thing. But the sale price was only $59.95! Plus, because I live in the US of A I got FREE shipping!!!! You know how I love that free shipping. lol. Since my grandma gave me $25 for my birthday, that means this $90 case of needles really only cost me $34.95. Can you say BARGAIN? Also, two nights ago I ordered a t-shirt from the Chapbros because their store is going out of buisness on March 11th. They said they don't have enough time to run it the way they'd like it to be run. So for a little less than $40 (including shipping) I got a black t-shirt that has "LBC" going down the side and on the back it sez "I've Got Your Back" and there's a picture of Leland B. Chapman.... As in Leland from Dog the Bounty Hunter! I'm so excited! I can't wait for it to get here!

So emotionally I'm doing really well even though I feel so painful at times. But really, the pain only bugs me when it hurts wicked bad and I'm trying to sleep and can't get comfortable. That's when I dig out the heavy duty pain killers. lol. All in all life is good right now. I'm having fun writing and I'm knitting a hat for charity, major karma points there :) And of course I love knitting so I'm killing two birds with one stone: doing something I love while making something for someone that needs something. Ya know? And I love the mental health providers I'm working with. Lene and Sheila are great! I miss Marisa, but Sheila is pretty awesome. And Lene is so cool. It's funny because we kind of have the same personality, except she's not all anxious and depressed and what-not. She's got the good parts of me in her. It's cool because we make the same kind of jokes and she gets the whole being able to go to concerts thing even though just going shopping can cause an anxiety attack. She's the first one to completely get it. Others have gotten it, but not to the point that she does.

What I'm really trying to say is that life is great right now. I'm happy. I'm having a great time writing and knitting and sprinting with my [livejournal.com profile] hanficsprints girls. Life is good and I hope it lasts until the sun gets here because once the sun comes out, I'm WAY less depressed =D
writefiction: (you bitch)

I am in the bitchiest/pissiest mood ever. Today was going so well... at first. My mom and I went shopping for three and a half hours today. I bought $100 worth of stuff and only paid for $60 of it (this is if you include cigarettes) I had a $25 gift card to Borders that I got from Jeff, Mark and Doug and ended up with a purchase of $27. When we went to Target my mom ended up paying for the things I was going to buy. Then at Joanne Fabrics I bought $18 worth of yarn and a book of patterns that has a really cool messenger bag in it that I bought the yarn for. Then we came home and life was dandy.

Towards bedtime I asked my mom if we could go get guinea pigs after therapy tomorrow. She didn't even answer me, her way of saying no. When I asked her why she said, do we have to go thru this every time you ask? I told her I didn't get it because she said I could get them before and now she's saying no. One of the reasons is bc she thinks Buddy will eat them. So I proceeded to tell her that Aubrey's cats don't eat her piggies. Then she said she didn't want to get another pet until we move in case we move to a place that only allows one pet. That led me to saying that I think we'll never move bc she can't make up her friggin mind about anything concerning where to move and who our new relestate agent should be. I told her we'd probably live here for the rest of our lives. Then we didn't speak for a moment.

The next thing out of my mouth was that I wasn't going to see Sheila tomorrow and my mom was all like, why? Bc you can't get your way? so then I proceeded to tell her that there's no point in going anymore because I'm stuck and I'm never going to get any better. I told her I'm sick and tired of it all. With which she replied, Don't you think I'm sick and tired too? I told her that at least she gets to escape to work or go out with her friends. I do neither. The only socialization I get nowadays is over the freaking Internet. I'm fucking 25 years old and going nowhere. I'm never going to get any better and it fucking sucks like you wouldn't believe. So then I smoked a cigarette, put my pajamas on and crawled in bed to cry. My mom came in and rubbed my back for like an hour. She stayed up till one in the morning waiting for me to fall asleep. Finally she came in to ask me if I was safe. I told her yes just to get her to leave me alone. I mean, I'm not suicidal at this moment but I can't say that cutting doesn't sound appealing at this moment.

Then I check my friends page and find out I've been deleted by someone I thought was a friend. Someone that doesn't post much anymore. She was complaining about people being bitches and talking trash about her. I figured she didn't mean me because I've never said anything bad about her that I can recall. So I left a comment saying that I've never called her a goddamn stupid dykey bitch and I still get the boot thanks. And then she comes back with my posts are only tweets and kradam and she doesn't respond to either. Well excuse me fir not having anything in my life worth writing about. And hey, I've been making posts about my psychotic sister and her threatening my life and what-not. I also posted about my birthday last week. And I can't help it if my passion is writing so that's what I post. Sorry if I consider my uneventful life unworthy of writing about. If I did write about it, it'd go some thing like this:

Woke up. Took pills. Smoked. Ate breakfast. Watched TV. Smoked some more. Wrote some. Got bugged by a 12 yr old on facebook. Ate dinner. Took more pills. Went to bed.

I'm sure you all would love to see that on your friends page every single day. I mean I used to go to a lot of concerts so I had lots of stories to tell about that and pictures to post. I've been to two concerts since 2008. I used to go to local shows every single weekend. Sometimes twice a weekend. I don't do that anymore. My life literally consists of being home except for when I have appointments to go to.

So yeah. I'm in the bitchiest/pissiest mood ever. I wish I could wake up tomorrow and the last 13 years will all have been a nightmare. I'm just stuck where I am. I'm stuck in this apartment. I'm stuck taking pills. I'm stuck going to stupid appointments. Maybe my sister was right. Maybe I should do the world a favor and just kill myself. I know it'd make my mom's life a helluva lot easier and mine too since ya know there would be no life left. Whatever. I don't care. It's days like these that I wish I'd never been born.


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writefiction: (chalk heart)

Dear Miss Ducky,
You've been MIA on AIM today. So I thought I'd update you here. Instead of going thru it all again, just read the post before this.

Don't worry I'll wait.

Did u finish? Well okay then. Let's get back to what I wanted to say to you.

I'm all anxious right now. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep.

I wish you were here right now. We could cuddle on my teeny twin size bed and you could tell me everything is gonna be okay. I guess I need a little reassurance .....and maybe some chocolate ;)

This is one of those times when I wish you just lived next door. Or at least in the same time zone so it's easier to catch each other on the intraweb. I wish I could have a real hug. Really I'm just dying for some human affection

I think I'll get going to bed now.
Maybe cry some. I feel so emotionally icky.

I love you and I miss you

Love Always,
amanda: jaclyn's twin sister♥

Ps maybe u should come up with a way for me to sign these private posts between us. Give me a cool nickname.

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Bite Me

Jun. 30th, 2009 02:38 am
writefiction: (Default)

Like the subject line? It's about my baby Froy. He's a gerbil. His brother is Scout. They rock. But unfortunately I've decided they must go back to Petco. It's a very hard decision to make because they are the cutest and I could watch them for hours and feed them treats until they are too full. But the thing is, they've been locked in my bedroom since the day I got them. I mean I play with them but it's hard because of Buddy. He finds the gerbs a little too interesting. He even dove in the cage last week when I had the door open and had Froy in my hands. Unfortuneately Scout was in the cage in his house and that's where Buddy's paw went. Luckily there were no physical injuries. But now Froy won't stop biting and he wasn't even the one attacked. With Scout, I can stick my finger thru the bars of the cage and he runs against it or holds on to it. Froy will just try to bite it off.

Buddy is always after them. It's not fair to anyone; the gerbs, the cat or me, because I don't get to play with them freely. I think it's best if they find a new home. I hate to say that. I love my gerbs. I'd rather my mom take them back to Petco but I'm the one who signed the adoption papers so I have to take them back. Ugh. This sucks hardcore. I should have brought them back as soon as Buddy tried to knock the cage off the bureau. Which was the day I got them. I would have been less attached at that point. But I wanted to see if Buddy would calm down if he had supervised visits with the gerbs in the cage and the cage on the floor. But nope that didn't work. He just tries to grab them thru the bars. Good thing his paws are big or else he'd get one in. It just really sucks. I had big plans for those guys, or at least as big as you can get for gerbils.

Also, we have an opportunity to get two more cats named Jake and Junior. They're my sister's cats. I guess with the twins coming, she and her husband want to get rid of them. If no one takes them and they have to bring them back to the shelter where they got them, I'll cry. Jake would get adopted in a split second. He's a big cuddle bug and loves everyone and he talks which is cute. But Junior? He's one of those cats that would probably be considered unadoptable. He was born on the streets and is still afraid of people. Well except for the ones he lives with. He's a feral kitty and I didn't see him once when I was at their house on Saturday. Jake on the other hand followed us all day. Then Mom tells me that if Jess n Ian had told us back in January that they were going to get rid of them, Mom wouldn't have adopted Buddy and she would have just taken Jake and Junior. Doesn't she know you can't say those things to me? But whatever. Mom says she'd be willing to take one but doubts they'd separate them. But ya know they might have to. I told Mom that if they did, we were taking Junior because he would never make it at a shelter because of his feral backround. She agreed. I doubt we'll even take the one though. *sigh*

On another note I've been having a good past few days. It's probably been about a week now. No deppression. But that could change after another week of downpours. Ick.

Did I also mention that I LOVE when Adam Lambert sings Black & White? Yeah, it makes me happy. Also love when Kris Allen sings Heartless.

And one last thing before I go. I signed up for The Spark Inside summer challenge. This year the hanfics are a collaboration effort. Last week I found out I'm partnered with Rene C ([livejournal.com profile] mizzc) — I can't remember if she spells it with one "e" or two. Oh well! LOL. But this should be very interesting and the stories won't be posted until September 1st. It's an all summer thing.

So that's it for now.

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writefiction: (Default)

So for once here's an update that won't be so emo. I'm feeling pretty good now. That day spent with my mom helped I think. Also seeing my therapist helped a lot! I feel like I'm reevaluating things and I've come to some conclusions about my life. I'm not sure I want to really say anything about those conclusions at the moment for fear of saying them and then failing. So for now I'll keep it to myself somewhat.

I've been knitting quite a bit lately. I need to get more yarn tho. A lot more yarn seeing as how I need to make TWO blankets. Also, they need to be finished by august 28th or around that date. It's on the calender so I don't have to worry. I've decided that the blankets are going to be birth presents, the present you bring to the hospital the day the mama gives birth. I thought that would be cooler and it gives me more time since I was slacking a bit and totally started over with an easier pattern :p I know, I'm a dork.

So on Tuesday, my mom said we could go shopping — and actually buy things — for gerbil supplies. You know, like the cage and stuff. I just wanted to get the essentials last night. But then Mom called Wednesday from work and told me we couldn't go anywhere because Rock n Race was going on. I was mad because I totally forgot that was going on. Then I was pissed more because I knew we couldn't go tonight because my mom's birthday party with her work friends is tonight. Tomorrow is her birthday so I don't know if we'll go then. Oy! Why do things get so screwed up sometimes? I was so looking forward to that shopping trip. But it's okay we'll go at some point.

Also, Saturday is my mom's birthday party with me and the family friends. It shall be fun. It's at Jeff's house. We'll probably have a cook out. And I finally know what I'm getting her for her bday! I'm getting her the Mamma Mia movie soundtrack because I know that's something she really wants. It makes me happy to get her a present she really wants :)

On another good note, I think Buddy is finally overcoming his worms. When we found out he had them still we were pissed. But the vet gave us a dose of dewormed for a LARGE cat this time. I think that's what she should have done that the first time around. But whatever. His nose is pinking up, he's not eating like he's been starved half his life and he's playing more. It's awesome. I like when he's feeling good.

I'm glad life has taken such a good turn. Now I just need to figure out this blood pressure thing. I'm sooooo tired. They doubled my dosage about two weeks ago. Today is a bit better than yesterday. Yesterday I could have fallen asleep walking down the street! Not so much today but still really tired.

All in all tho, things are better and I like that :)

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writefiction: (chucks)

So if you read last night's post, you know I wasn't doing so well. I did end up going to my mom. I even read her the post I'd written. She said it was good. Good in the way that I'm able to express these things and that I even expressed it to her. We stayed up till 3 in the morning hanging out, her shoulder my space to cry. Then when we finally went to bed, I crawled into her bed with her and of course Buddy didn't want to be left out. So it was the two overweight women and the 14 pound cat in the double bed. It was a squeeze, but it worked.

My mom stayed home with me because I asked her too. It's not that often anymore that I need her to stay with me during the day like that, but I've been having a few rough weeks and she's trying to help me through it.

So I pretty much watched talk shows with my mom till noon when Lynn and I were supposed to take Roy the chihuahua for a walk. I waited till one and she never called or came over so Mom and I left to go Gerbil Supply Pricing as I call it. Petsmart's gerbils cost about 2$ cheaper than the ones at Petco. So maybe I'll get my gerbils there. Or I'll travel to Salem/Nashua/Chester to go to a breeder where they're only 5$ a piece. The cost of two from the breeder is 2$ less than petsmart which was 2$ cheaper than petco. So yeah.

But anyway. I have a list of things I need and know about how much they are. I know it'll probably cost me at least 100$...at the very least. But I'm going to try to buy everything before I get the gerbils. I want to have their home all set up for them when I bring them home

After gerbil pricing we went to WalMart which is under going remodeling and it's hard to find stuff. But we looked for the gerbil stuff there too and they didn't have much. The only thing I'd get was a food dish.... Maybe. I kinda like the ceramic ones better from Petsmart. Then we had to find the car stuff which wasn't too bad. We got three bottles of oil for the car in our entire trip. But oh! Can't forget that we stopped at Arnie's on the way home. Then I slept for about an hour then I knitted and ate dinner. Afterwards I knitted more and watch some of the AI final and some of DWTS final but I didn't see who won because I changed it over to Law&Order: SVU. That was a good show tonight.

Now I'm feeling a bit better and I'm fine to be home alone tomorrow. But Jen's coming at 2pm as per usual. Maybe I can get her to bring me to petsmart to buy some things I need to start getting in pro for my new Gerbies =D I can't wait till I get them. It'll be so much fun!

Anyway, I gotta go to bed now. I'll see ya in the morning.
Nighty night ♥

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writefiction: (Default)

So I thought I'd update you on life a little bit.

I kind of had a break through in my therapy session today. My mom wants me to be happy but happy to her and happy to me are two different things. She thinks —or it seems she thinks— that to be happy I have to go out all the time and be a social butterfly and do it every night. That I should go out into the community and do something productive. But for me, transportation is an issue. I don't drive and I can't take public transportation for the reason that I get too anxious. So yeah I want to volunteer but there aren't a lot of options outside the home. So this January or whenever I volunteered to knit a sweater for a group called KNITS for KIDS. I've knitted one sweater so far and now there done for the season and won't start again till the fall. That was volunteering I could do at home. But then I wanted to volunteer my time as a foster parent for the SPCA because it's kitten season and have a matternity ward set up and really they don't have the room for all these animals. So people foster the animals until they're well enough to be put up for adoption. That is a volunteer job I could do from home. Also there's GASP which stands for Guardian Angels for Soldiers Pet. You take in and foster a soldier's pet while they're ndeployed and when they come back they get to come back to their loving animals that missed them. When u foster for the SPCA you don't pay anything unless you buy them extra things like toys or whatever. And when you do it for GASP you usually make a payment agreement of some sort with the soldier whose animal you're caring for. But mostly you care and love for their animals until they come back from their deployment. Those are some things I could do that wouldn't stress me out that I could do at home but mom says no. I can't volunteer from home yet she wants me to do something that would give me a purpose and I've always wanted to do something with animals. Even back in the day when I thought I was going to do the norm of graduating high school and going off to college. I wanted to work at a zoo or be a vet pro don't know just something to do with animals start some kind of rescue, which by the way I'd love to do that now. I'd love to make a rescue that specializes in rats, gerbils and ferrets. That would be so much fun!

But of course my mom isn't into any of that. She still wants me to go to college and get some kind of certificate or something that could get me a good job and miraculously I'll be cured because I'd have a purpose in life. I know what I want to do to be happy. I know pwhat I want to have a purpose in life. What my mom wants and what I want are two different things. I know what I want but it seems like my mom won't help because it's not her idea of how to get me happy. Happy for her and happy for me are two different things. I just wish she would be more supportive.

And now that I've gotten myself fully worked up, I want- no NEED to go talk to her but it's one o'clock in the morning and if I go try to talk to her she'll be pissed. And then by tomorrow it'll be too late. I'll have bottled it up in me and it'll stay there until I explode

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writefiction: (chalk heart)
I was just at my counseling appointment and realized how happy I am. I mean, genuinely happy. And creative. Being so happy is a completely weird and new feeling for me. But a good one. It's amazing. :D I love it. What's cool is that I don't have to go to therapy every week now. I get to go every other week, which is nice. It gives me freedom to relax on Mondays.

I know it's Spring b/c I'm doing so well. The sunlight is truly helping me. Although it would be nice if the sunlight also came with some warmth. But beggars can't be choosers.

You know, I had this whole huge post of bragginess prepared in my head. But now I can't think of anything to say. I basically just said everything I need to.

I'm feeling happy.

I'm being creative.

I've finally got my laptop.

Life is good.

writefiction: (Bike)
Okay. So this is an update to last night's little rant.

I finally did get to sleep, but I didn't write. I got up this morning and ate breakfast and everything. But while watching The Bonnie Hunt Show I fell asleep. Which really made me mad b/c a guy from Brothers & Sisters was going to be on and I don't know which character he plays. His real name was one I didn't recognize.

So just now I finally remembered, after realizing it was dark in the house & needing to turn on a light, that I should probably try to fix the sun lamp. By fix I mean plug it into another socket. We're pretty sure the socket it was plugged in to was messed up b/c no matter what lamp we plugged into it & no matter what light bulb we used in the lamp, they would always flicker and/or go out for a couple seconds to a minute. So I moved some stuff and got down on my hands and knees and moved the surge protector / power strip around so the sun lamp cord could reach it. Trust me, it was easier to move the power strip than to rearrange the lamp and all my knitting stuff.

I'm happy to say that the light is on and hasn't done any weird things. Now I'm going to sit under it and write and I'll let you know how it works.

On another note, I'd just like to say that I'm working on the prompt starting over.
Also, I'm using original characters.
Also, I'm thinking it'll be a short story rather than a drabble.
Also, we'll have to wait and see. lol
writefiction: (Default)

So. All last week if I laid down on the couch for more than one second I would immediately fall to sleep for an hour or two. I either had to be sitting at the computer, writing, knitting or ya know anything that involved actually doing something or I'd be out like a light. I'm convinced it's b/c I haven't been using my sunlight.

It's not a sun lamp like at a doctor's office. It's our regular lamp that has a full spectrum lightbulb in it. It's artificial sunlight and it's really cool. It helps my mood. Along with it I started on new meds back at Thanksgiving. The combination was awesome! I was getting up in the morning and sleeping all night. Which I had been sleeping all night and then till about noon time. It's been over a week since I used my sunlight and my sleeping is all over the place. I've become nocturnal almost. Altho sometimes I'll sleep all night and then when I get out of bed if I lay down on the couch to watch tv my done. Like, stick a fork in me I'm done, kinda done.

AnywH I'll probably be up for forever. Hit me on AIM: PandaPuNK7
I'll be on my iPod so there's no telling how my connection will be.

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writefiction: (Default)

I am sooooooo frickin' busy the rest of this week. I have an appointment every day. And today I have two. Here is a list of this week's appointments.

Case-management with Jen
Haircuts by Lindsey

Cholesterol Clinic

6 month check-up with PCP

And somewhere in there Jaci wants to do something b/c we didn't see Fly Upright Kite on Sunday.

Oh my god! Carol Burnette has a Barbie Doll!!!! It's freaking awesome!


So I'm a busy beaver the next few days. So much so that I'll probably just want to sit on my ass all weekend and never move. But that isn't too unusal anyway.

Also, the awards for the HGC are being announced on Friday. I'm excited. And I'm not at all ashamed to say that I did indeed vote for myself. Today is the last day to vote, btw!!!! So vote for COLLIDE! Here's the link:

Hanfic Genre Challenge Voting!

So that's it for now I guess. Not much else to say. Talk to u later.

Hugs n stuff

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writefiction: (you bitch)

I hate when my grandmother comes to visit. I get so stressed out b/c she comes and won't tell us how long she's stating or what she's doing. I'm one of those people that needs a plan. She will not give us a plan no matter what. She was only supposed to stay the night or just stop in to potty on her way home from her trip. But now she's staying till at least tomorrow so she can look at frickin pictures with her friends who aren't coming to Concord until tomorrow.
She also likes to try and sneak a peek at my writing, which I hate sooooo bad. I write things sometimes that would make her hate me and I don't want her to read any of it. But I'm pretty sure when she was cleaning off the bookcase she was reading thru some of my stuff. I hate that! She knows nothing of privacy. I won't even turn the computer on when she's here b/c she likes to read over my shoulder. It stresses me so bad. Plus she likes to yell at me for smoking. But I sweat she makes me smoke mpre b/c I'm so stressed! I can't wait for her to go home.

And poor Buddy can tell she doesn't like him. She's the only person he doesn't really luke. He hides out in the other room until she moves into another room. My mom said she thought Buddy didn't like Grammie and I told her that it's b/c Buddy knows Grammie doesn't like him. That's another thing I can't stand b/c Buddy is such a good kitty. Like, extremely good. But whatever. Hopefully she'll be leaving tomorrow. If not, I am so going on that shopping trip with Mom and Jeff on Monday.

[/end rant]

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writefiction: (Default)

I'm not really stalking the mailman. It's more like the stalking a cat does. I only watch for him to leave my house b/c there have been plenty of times when I've opened the front door and he was standing there. It scared the crap out of both of us on all occaisions. So now I make sure he's already moved on to Joyce's house before I go for the mail. I'm hoping to get my Christmas & birthday presents from my dad. When he can remember, he sends me 50 bucks. I'm hoping that means a total of 100$. But one never knows when it comes to my dad.

*goes to check the mail*

Eh, nothing good except Old Navy telling us we can get 15% off when we use our Old Navy card. The rest was just junk ads. You know, the kind that are addressed to resident.

My dad got paid either today or yesterday so hopefully he'll send it soon. I'm saving up for a laptop. Prices have come down in a crazy way. You can get one for as little as 400$ and that's without a sale! So ya know, I may actually get one in this lifetime. Also, if I can quit smoking, that'll save me so much money. A carton of smokes is almost $40 and I smoke the cheaper ones. So out of each of my checks I have to take out 80$ which is almost my whole check! And I only give myself 20$ a week spending money and I almost can't do that with the cost of cigarettes. It's probably a good thing I don't have to pay for the luxuries of a car. Otherwise the cost of gas & smokes would eat up my entire check.

Being on assistance doesn't afford u many luxuries. But that's okay b/c I've never had a lot of money to begin with. Besides, working would probably kill me by from anxiety making my Crohn's flare and killing off my entire digestive tract and u can't live without a gut. A quote from Abbey on ER.

Okay enough weird talk. I'm going to try to write some before taking my shower.

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writefiction: (Default)

I'd just like you all to know that Buddy is NOT crazy.

Off and on Buddy has been sitting, staring into a certain corner of the room. At first we wondered if there was a bug over there but we couldn't find one. Then we thought maybe he was doing it to be close to the radiator because we have steam heat and maybe it was making his stuffy nose feel better.

Last night at about 11 we noticed Buddy in the corner. I finally decided to get down on the floor with him and inspect. Turns out Buddy isn't crazy. I found a shit-load of ants crawling around! Mom got out the bug spray and went to work. But we couldn't find where they were coming from, which seriously frustrated my mom. All I could do was laugh and say, At least we know Buddy isn't crazy.

While my mom found the ants frustrating, I found the situation highly amusing. If it weren't for Buddy, I would have probably been as annoyed as my mom.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.


Oct. 28th, 2008 03:52 pm
writefiction: (Default)
Will someone go to Burlington Coat Factory in my place with my mom?

It's all rainy and dark and gloomy out. I don't want to shower or dress or get up off the couch. I just want to stay curled up in a ball and do nothing.... and possibly eat some fries from McDonald's.

I'm not liking this every-other-day-depression crap. It's annoying the shit out of me. Plus, I'm scared of going into a bad depression. Last year it took so long to come out of. I don't need this right now. I was actually starting to feel amazing due to thyroid medication that was giving me more energy and actually helping with the depression. But now it's getting darker earlier and one day it's 90º and the next it's below 40º and it's freaking out my mental health system.

I wish it was summer again.


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